I don’t Hate Tim Burton, I just Don’t Like His Films

People still called me freak and weirdo, but I just see it as a badge of honor.

There are many things to admire about Tim Burton. His humble beginnings, his hard work as an animator at Disney, his desire and fire to strike out on his own with his truly original and unique ideas to tell compelling stories. Burton’s films have 79 award nominations and he has been nominated twice for the Academy Award. Though he has never won, his films have inspired a generation, mostly mine, to grow up and think differently about people and the world we live in. Though his characters are not very nuanced, the environments they live in are, and there is much to admire about how he constructs them. In September 2023, Winona Ryder spoke at the unveiling of his star on Hollywood’s Walk of fame.  

“Your friendship has been such an enormous gift. When I met you, I was a weird kid and you informed my voice and you reinforced my confidence to be myself to go against the tides of conformity. Your creative inclusiveness showed me what true artistic collaboration looked like. In other words, you made being a weird girl not just okay but something to celebrate and even kind of cool. And you’ve carried that torch for the rest of us weirdos, making us all feel valued.” 

Winona Horowitz named herself after the town she was from when she moved to the movie capital of the world and worked her way to the weird top. We first saw her in Lucas (1986), a film I remember as being the king of cringe films, and then Square Dance (1987). In 1988, her breakout role as Lydia in Burton’s Beetlejuice sent her at the age of seventeen into super stardom. Though the film is greatly credited with being Burton’s breakthrough second film and helping along the careers of Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis, it is Ryder’s career that has benefitted the most. Lydia was what most girls who looked like her and thought like her were in the 80’s: cool. But they were not the norm. From the It girl of the ‘20’s to the highly controversial Jubilee (1978), to Linda Manz’ forever portrayal as Cebe in Dennis Hopper’s Out of the Blue (1980), the alternative to traditional femininity has been tough to define in films because they have not been in charge of it. But Lydia was different, because Ryder had a say in Burton’s vision, and he trusted her as an actor to bring forth the character he needed to confront the inter-Demensional villain title character. Beetlejuice is everything horrible in men, but to top it off he is a pedophile. Thousands of years old, he wishes to marry a sixteen-year-old girl. Let that sink in. There can be no understating this role in what it meant for young girls who did not want to look like Brooke Shields. Ryder’s portrayal paved the way for a decade of Doc Martins, fishnet stockings under jean shorts, and the development of the goth culture movement that Burton was already full swing into. In 1988, she did two films: the now forgotten 1969 and the immortal Heathers, which introduced a now 18-year-old to the high school male population. Veronica wasn’t like the other girls either. It’s why she’s not a Heather. She’s a Sawyer, like Tom, experiencing and figuring out life. She dates J.D., a contorted vision of male self-image (James Dean) whose psychosis underlies why all school shooters are men, and not women. Ryder exudes a sexuality in Heathers that was important not just for girls to see, but for males to see. They needed to see Veronica post-coital after a game of strip croquet because it was important to see women have agency over their own desires, their own permissiveness, their own sex. Once Veronica sees where the relationship is going, she tries to turn it around. When she can’t, she abandons it. When that fails, she terminates it. She is in charge, and the males lose.  Though she only did one film, Great Balls of Fire (1989) the following year, she worked endlessly after Beetlejuice because she was in such demand. Three films in 1990: Welcome Home, Roxy Carmichael, the famously popular Mermaids, and Burton’s Edward Scissorhands in which the director made the weird make money. In 1992 she headlined Francis Ford Coppola’s Dracula, and the following year Martin Scorsese’s The Age of Innocence, with two other films. 1994 saw Little Women and Ben Stiller’s Reality Bites dip her back into the alternative. Her work schedule was crushing, and had dramatic effects. In Rome shooting the first scenes of The Godfather Part III, Ryder collapsed due to exhaustion and her doctors told her she couldn’t finish the film. In one of the most monumental casting catastrophes of modern film history, Coppola cast his own daughter Sophia as a replacement. Ryder would go on after her recovery to have a successful career but she would not be free of controversy. She had to drop out of a film due to heath issues in 2001, and that same year she was arrested for shoplifting. According to an NPR article written years after the incident, Ryder had a mental episode that led to multiple incidents of this behavior at the same mall store in Los Angeles. The store manager just sent Ryder a bill after the fact and she had always paid it. But the kleptomania continued, and a new store manager didn’t feel like permitting her special treatment anymore. Everyone knew who she was, so he called the cops. In this time two decades ago, mental health was not very well understood or championed, but in a world where O.J. and Robert Blake literally get away with murder, movie goers were justifiably asking themselves why Ryder was going through such legal rigor.  

Mr. Deeds and S1m0ne came out the following year and were both successful if not universally panned by critics. Her time off resulted in no films in 2004, 2005, and 2006. After that, the workaholic continued. Three films in 2007, two in 2008, but the big one out of the four in 2009 was Star Trek in which she had more audiences see her than in possibly a decade. The exposure gained her higher rewards. She worked for Darren Aronofsky in Black Swan, rejoined Burton in Frankenweenie, and the bump in her career disappeared. Her big pop of course was the first season of Stranger Things in 2016, and her weirdness / mental health re-appeared. In the new age of social media, her reactions to David Harbour’s anti-Trump rampage as the Golden Globes was unfortunately cropped and edited. Ryder, like the rest of us, is not perfect. But she shouldn’t have to be.  

And through all of this, he has stood by her side, like many others to be sure. And though Burton had to justifiably drop the convicted sex offender Principal Rooney from Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice (2024), there was never a thought of having any type of sequel without Ryder reprising her much beloved role of Lydia Deetz. There would be no film without her.  

So, when we stand almost 40 years after Beetlejuice and look at Burton’s accomplishments from now until then, we have to recognize that this man supports women, and perhaps more consequential, weird women, in an offbeat culture as a whole. It is this that she celebrates when she speaks at his star ceremony in Hollywood. For Ryder, and for Ryder alone, I will always appreciate Tim Burton.  

But that’s about it. 

I can’t fucking stand Tim Burton’s films. I hate them with a passion I can’t understand. The year after Beetlejuice, which I want to emphasize I thought was an ‘okay’ movie, I anticipated for half a year the release of the grand-all be-all comic book film of the century: Batman. And it fucking sucked. Everyone seemed to wear velvet, the movie was edited way, way off, and the under the chin push-ins just seemed more off putting than his usual stuff. Nicholson seemed to have lost his mind, not in a good way because he played the Joker, but the idea that Burton thought this type of performance was actually...good. Ugh. It is quite funny now because when they announced that Michael Keaton was going to play Batman, the backlash was tremendous – I don’t know if it was better or worse than the fanbase’s idiotic response. I thought that was stupid (both responses) and I thought I would enjoy the film. But everyone wearing some sort of felt, and the comic book style was reminiscent of the Batman ‘66 TV show... but in an outlandish sense. Batman ‘66 was loony and didn’t take itself seriously. I would like to say the same of Burton’s film but the Joker runs around with a long-barreled gun and in a flashback looks absolutely menacing. This, coupled with a horrible, memorable soundtrack and a set design out of hell - not to mention a plot I have no idea of – this film just sucks.  

And he followed this catastrophe with Edward Scissorhands, which is so far off the map I can’t even. I just can’t even. Two strikes in a row. Ed Wood (1994) held so much promises, but unfortunately not even the multi-talented Johnny Depp could bring around a narrative that was just as odd as the man that it was about. I know this was the point. I am aware this was the point. And that is why I did not like it. I love Martin Landau, Bill Murray, Vincent D’Onofrio, the black and white film, etc. Etc. Etc. But I hate this film. In between those two was the catastrophe that was Batman Returns. Mars Attacks! (1996) had everything going for it. A funny aesthetic, a reuniting with Nicholson, a supporting cast from a wish list. And I hated it. By this time, I was thinking.... No. I’m not going. You can’t force me to go to another Tim Burton film. But I love Johnny Depp. And I love Christina Ricci. And I love Christopher Walken. And yet again, I left the theatre thinking ‘that son of a bitch! I am robbed again!”. Sleepy Hollow was shit! Planet of the Apes was apeshit! I keep hearing from many people that I admire that Big Fish (2003) is one of his best films in which case then I think his whole oeuvre is upside down and I like his ‘bad films.’ Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was so bad I was so happy I never paid money for it. I saw it at home and garbled my way through it. Corpse Bride: shit. Sweeney Todd: shit! Alice in Wonderland: DOUBLE SHIT! These are films that scream Tim Burton. They should be knocked right out of the park, and yet here I was, a witness to such horrible stories that I couldn’t relate to. I began to think, is it me? Am I the odd one out? But everyone seems to think Chocolate Factory is a disaster and Alice in Wonderland close behind.  

The big test was Dark Shadows. I never saw the show. But again, I laughed at the trailer. Again, I clutched my wife’s hand as we went into the theatre. Again, Johnny Depp. This is going to stink. This is going to suck. This is going to disappoint me. Again.  

And it didn’t! I loved Depp’s ham-fisted performance as the recently liberated vampire Barnabas Collins. He was paired off greatly with Eva Green. The cast was incredible. Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Cloe Grace Moretz, Christopher Lee, Alice Cooper... the aesthetic actually landed for once. The supernatural, usually always present in his films, was comedic rather than sad. I had such a great time I actually went back and watched Frankenweenie, which was okay for me but the kids loved. And so, I actually paid money for Big Eyes. 

And I wanted my fucking money back, and I never feel that way about movies. It’s a risk. I get it. And if I don’t get it, that’s on me. But this sucked. And so did Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, which didn’t land at all. And Holy Shit Dumbo was such a fuckup, I am surprised anyone gave him money ever again! It was shocking, SHOCKING how bad that was. And if you think that I’m going to pay money for Wednesday, then you would be wrong. Because Wednesday is on Netflix.  

And I loved it. So, here’s the list. Pee-Wee: Okay. Beetlejuice: Okay. Frankenweenie: okay. Dark Shadows: funny. Wednesday: Great! His other 19 films? SHIT. A kid with scissors for hands, DOESN’T MAKE ANY SENSE. You could explain it to me for an hour with X-Rays and doctors and psychologists starting sentences with “Well, don’t you see...?” and it would never, ever make sense to me. Somehow, 40 years after talking apes, they all of a sudden, didn’t make sense to me. But when I watch Malcolm McDowell: SOLD. Burton: a fucked up, preposterous, and let’s face it, not an entertaining film.  

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice is not an interesting film, although it has entertaining sections. The opening of Lydia Deetz as an on-air medium? Quite appropriate, a little funny, heading in the right direction. Beetlejuice as a bureaucrat? Sucks. Being chased by his long dead lover who has no interaction with the plot? WORSE. Justin Theroux, a talented writer, is wasted in the wrong role where he only irritates. Catherine O’Hara is a fantastic actress with nothing to do but comment on her daughter-in-law's misery. Jenna Ortega is the only one with a genuinely interesting plot line that you can spot a million miles away. Who didn’t see the dead parents? The dead kid? The coming twist? It wasn’t bad, but it would have been better if the rest of the film didn’t suck so much. In the end, the glorious apex of the movie was enunciated with the MacArthur Park sing-a-long, and you didn’t have to know who Richard Harris was to think this was sheer genius. It’s just too bad it was saddled in the middle of a quagmire of misplaced actors, known quantities, and uninventive ideas.  

I will, of course, defend Tim Burton’s right as an artist to make whatever he wants with someone else’s money. This film made bank, and even though the chances of him making another film this ‘good’ or better are quite low, I will see it just to know one last time... am I right that he’s a mediocre film maker? Or is he good? Naaaaah. The best thing he’s done with his career is help Winona have one of her own, and for that I will always be grateful. 

Well, They Blew It

Elem Klimov was one of the most important filmmakers of the Soviet Union. A survivor of the Battle of Stalingrad, he became a producer and screenwriter. His final film was Come and See, a story of a boy in Belorussia who joins the partisans against the Nazis and witnesses a ‘Special Action’ liquidation. Klimov’s vision would be repeated in villages all over Ukraine in 1941 and 2022.

On Monday, March 20, 2023, I read an article on CNN reporting on war crimes committed in what we seem to be calling “The Ukraine War.” Apparently, Ukranian soldiers rounded up ten or so Russian opponents who had surrendered, bound their hands, and shot them all in the head. A hasty grave was dug somewhere near the eastern border, and they were disposed of and most likely forgotten. Until someone in the Ukrainian army brought the atrocity up the command chain and the culprits of the extra-judicial killings removed from the line, investigated, and now face prosecution for war crimes. This very weird story then stated the ICC, the International Criminal Court, had open access to Ukranian front line behavior, and full access to officers in hotly contested areas where these reports, however few they may be, were making their way to NGO and ICC staff. Ukraine, apparently, is playing the long game. If they expect western money to fight the war, then they have to at least attempt to look like they’re not behaving like, well, Russians. The government and the army have, according to the UN, given open access to such organizations looking for war crimes of any type, and have promised swift justice to anyone involved in such activity. I must admit, I was not prepared for this. The Ukraine War is, of course, a war of national survival. If Russia put down its arms tomorrow, there would still be a Ukraine. If Ukraine put its arms does tomorrow, there would not be a Ukraine. This stark fact can be used to justify all kinds of activity. Zelenskyy has banned opposition parties, unified all press into one national organ, abolished all commerce outside of the war effort, and has been swift to dismiss corrupt officials albeit exposed ones high up in the government and not the causal foot soldiers most do not see. As a whole the government is fighting this fight to make Ukraine better not to just be a more western country but to ensure the money from the west keeps flowing. Though the West is not unknown to corruption, it only takes one American to make a trip to Africa or Asia to recognize there is a gulf of difference between the corruption in the West and corruption in the East. Russia, one could argue, is a government that essentially is a mafia. There is no independent organized crime. The government fulfills that function. It is very much the same in China. Graft, kickbacks, and bribes are the way things are done as unofficial policy. The fact that Ukraine cares to launch such an unexpected effort is enormous, considering they are, like I identified before, in a fight for national survival.

In December of 1941, when the Soviet Union was in a fight for national survival, they didn’t prosecute graft. They shot grafters. They didn’t arrest people fleeing Moscow in the middle of the winter. They shot them. They didn’t reorganize the fleeing troops to fight the Germans. They formed barrier battalions and shot them. The Soviets did a lot of shooting in the Second World War, and as we know the Russians were the spearhead of the Soviet Union. You can justify a lot in a war of national survival. You can shoot a lot of people, and Russia did. We can look back on it as brutal, or we can look back on it and think possibly there would not be a Russia if these measures were not taken. It’s a tough call. Putting that in perspective, the Ukrainians are willing to bet they do not have to murder innocent Russians to preserve their nation. It’s a risky bet, considering the Russian have proved that murdering innocent people works. Whether it’s the only way is debatable.  

On Christmas Day, 1991, I watched with surprise as Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the President of the Union of Soviet Socialists Republics. Thus started a ten-year odyssey in which I watched with earnest amazement at the plight of our former rivals. As soon as Boris Yeltsin seemed to have things in hand, scary fortune would seem to rear a threatening tail. Where were the nukes? Was Chernobyl okay? What was the state of the economy? Of the Communist Party? Of right-wing ultra-nationalist extremists like Vladimir Zhirinovsky? The Federation wasn’t a threat to us, per se, but it seemed to be a threat to itself, and that wasn’t good for us. This genuine concern from Americans who were paying attention was coupled with a growing appreciation for a troubled past.  

The Russians were in the running for having the worst luck in history. Having started the 20th century under the most brutal dictator in Europe, the people of Russia saw their attempt to moderate the Czar’s rule in the February Revolution of 1917 backfire into what would be one of the two most brutal dictatorships in world history. After braving the initial tumult of the First World War and removing the tools of the autocratic Czar, bourgeois dissatisfaction in the result of the revolution meant there was no one to stop a second, more brutal uprising in October of the same year. The Bolsheviks didn’t just take power, they took total power over the cause. And what was the cause? Well, it kept changing. First it was the fight over hunger. Then it was the fight over the Whites. Then it was the fight over ‘foreign’ enemies. Then domestic. Every five to seven years of the history of the Soviet Union was littered with death as the survival of the nation seemed to pivot on surmised threat of disloyal party members, then army officers, then those who had made deals with the Germans, then Jews, then... yes... doctors. After Stalin, the Politburo let off the gas a little bit, but the KGB was still arresting people in the middle of the night. The Gulag Archipelago was releasing prisoners for sure, but it was still taking them in as well. Uprisings in East Germany, Hungary, Czechoslovakia were crushed. To be a Russian and to be under Russian influence meant you led a brutal, fleeting existence in a part of the world where leaders just did not value life all that much.  

Center piece to the Russian experience wasn’t so much the Revolution or the harsh memory of trying to preserve Communism when the West wanted to kill the baby in the cradle, but rather the name for the Russians gave to what the West calls The Second World War. The Great Patriotic War was just that, a war which you supported, or you were shot. There were no courts because there was no time. The enemy, as some said, was at the gates. Denouncement took time the Soviets didn’t have in their fight against the Nazis, a fight of National Survival. Some estimates say the Soviet Union lost 35 million citizens during the war. There were Jews, of course, but there were millions of Ukrainians, Russians, Byelorussians... millions of soldiers. Millions of civilians. The West did not fully comprehend this loss until creeping historians of the 1980s like David Glantz started poking the bear for sources. The resurgence of interest in The Second World War in the 1990s under Americans like Stephen Ambrose (Band of Brothers) and ultimately Steven Spielberg was joined with the monumental work of the largest battle of world history: Antony Beevor’s giant book on the Battle of Stalingrad.  

If anything encapsulated the Russian experience, it was Stalingrad. Renamed from Volgograd to favor their great leader, the Nazis wanted to cut off the Volga River’s supply line from the Caspian oil fields, destroy the industrial hub north of the city that turned out tanks, and of course it had Stalin’s name. It came to represent the Russian experience. Millions died at the hands of the Germans, the crushing winter of 1942-1943, and let’s not forget the ‘barrier’ troops the Russians deployed to shoot any of their soldiers who fell back from defeat. CNN reported the Russian Federation using these troops in Ukraine on March 31st, 2023. History repeats itself.  

Beevor’s Stalingrad was followed by Glantz’ book on Kursk, the largest tank battle in history, and the film “Enemy at the Gates.” Countless other interpretations and studies followed. The Russians themselves were divided on what they should release to the public. Beevor had very smartly used the Commissar Officer’s political report that went to Stalin every day, the “no bullshit” account of what was really going on. The Russians frowned at how this made their army look, misinterpreting the point of objective history. Beevor’s next book “Berlin 1945” appalled not just the West, but the Russians in its description of the largest mass rape in world history. The Russians didn’t just destroy the capitol. They gang raped it to death. The Russian Ambassador to Great Britain protested in Beevor’s presence. “The Victory is Pure,” he told Beevor, and such things, even if they were true, sullied the right of Russian dominance over the Nazis.  

Russian suffering during the war was coupled with an offset of Western sacrifice. Historians generally agree the United States lost about 450,000 lives in the war against Germany and Japan. The Brits took slightly fewer military deaths but made up for the numbers in civilian casualties. This did not include the Imperial numbers. France could rival this accounting. So could Italy. As horrible as this sounds, it does not hold a candle to a conservative estimate of 35 million. All future Eastern Bloc countries took a similar hit. One third of Poland Disappeared. Estimates think something similar happened to Ukraine. 

This damage, and the damage of the Cold War, was topped off by the fear in the west of the emergence of the Russian Mafia. Long suppressed by the Communists, the mafia just didn’t spring to action in the years after the founding of the Federation, they integrated with the former political hacks that lost power and position under the new regime. The owner or the largest car dealership in Russia, Logovaz, led one of the largest real estate money laundering operations in Asia. Name the industry and you have an equal measure, and where there is corruption, there are enforcers. The spread of these former criminals (or former KGB agents) all over the globe could be seen even on the silver screen. Think of Boris the Blade in Snatch, the ‘Cowboy’ mastermind in Running Scared (2006), the Russian Oligarch in The Bourne Supremacy (2006) even Cronenberg’s Eastern Promises. Most of the actors who played these corrupt and bloody characters were not Russians but Czechs, Slovaks, or other Eastern Europeans. The real Russians or Ukrainians who came to Hollywood were not about to take on such roles. These were people were first like Yul Brunner. Kirk Douglas. Later they were Mila Kunis. Milla Jovovich. Most of them were Ashkenazi Jews. The Russian immigrant as mafioso or former spy had a sinister, cunning bent to the character. It was understood these people were damaged from years under Communism and failed democracy.   

Recognition of the rolling sacrifices of the Russian people for the previous century began to show itself especially in the podcast era after 2005. Several podcasters from normal average joes describing their positive experiences in the Soviet Union, to academics discussing the intricate details of political history, even journalists were found talking about czarist or Communist life among the people. Russian langauge, literature, history, culture, seemed to bloom out into the mainstream in the new century. This was coupled with Putin’s new stability, bolstered by a Ruble floating on energy exports to the EU. Though there were signs of the new boss acting like the old boss (the Kursk sinking, the killing of a journalist, the gagging of the opposition, Pussy Riot, etc.) the Federation seemed not to be the threat it once was. When pressed over the danger the Federation caused the world during the Syrian Civil War, US President Barack Obama derisively called Russia “a regional power,” no doubt infuriating Putin as he read his daily intelligence briefs.  

Putin’s rise, parallel to the New Appreciation, saw a brutal invasion of Russian Georgia, strikes in Armenia, outright murder in South Ossetia, and a badly planned response to a hostage situation in a movie theatre in Moscow (re-enacted in Christopher Nolan’s Tenet). This was topped by the staged vote in Ukraine whereby Putin claimed the right to return the Crimea Oblasts, almost a quarter of the country, to the Federation. Knowing the history was important. Modern day Russia was formed on the banks of the Dnieper. Kiiv was the original duchy of the Rus. The Duchy of Moscow as an extension east formed at the bold military conquest of the Mongols. The Rus had saved Christianity, you could say, from being exterminated like communities in central Asia or amalgamated like Tang China. Ukraine was made independent from Russia under its own government under Stalin to create a Union of Socialist Republics, a new Communist Empire that on paper would be the world’s popular front against the capitalists and their nefarious plan of exploitation. In the 1950’s Khrushchev decided to redraw the Ukranian border, giving Crimea to Ukraine as a matter of convenience. It looked better on a map. No one foresaw the problems such a move would cause. No one could conceive of the Soviet Union ceasing one day to even exist. In 2014, Putin pulled off a military occupation of Crimea (after the sham vote) that was the envy of the autocratic world. Almost without organized resistance, Russia occupied what they wanted. I saw a map on CNN that showed the dominance of Russian or Ukranian language in the country. With no surprise more people spoke Russian the further east you go. I was working with a man from Kazan at the time, who admitted his stance on Crimea would be unpopular. He was for it returning to Russia. “It would be like the President giving New England to Canada, and then being upset when America wanted it back fifty years later.” I found this argument compelling, and like a lot of Americans I had to temper my hatred for what Putin was doing with what the desire of the populace was. Like a Wilsonian or Roosevelt democrat, I believed in self-determination, and I rejected the neo-con idea of conquer-and-take it diplomacy that had so far led to America’s highest profile failures. It was like Chris Patton, the last English governor of Hong Kong, complaining to the world press about how the Communists were getting rid of elections after the takeover. Hong Kong was a colony for the previous century and a half. Did the world really expect the Brits to be honest when they banged the drum of democracy? They owned a third of the planet in 1945 and two thirds of it left in the twenty years after the Victory. Russia was a similar situation, excepting that as everyone expected, Putin wanted more.  

It is hard as an American to enter into the moral fray that is the Russo-Ukranian War. I voted for George W. Bush twice, the second time knowing he sent American forces to Iraq to stop the proliferation of WMDs which I knew at the time were highly unlikely to be found. Like a lot of Americans, I disregarded the paltry evidence of the WMDs and the absence of their discovery as almost irrelevant. You didn’t need WMDs to tell me or the world that Saddam was a threat. I was perfectly fine with spending the lives of our troops and couple trillion dollars of my tax dollars so long as he was removed, and Iraqis given a full-bore chance at self-governance. I did not expect them to develop 200 years of Jeffersonian Democracy overnight. I understood there would be more bloodshed. I did not expect the State Department and the Pentagon to completely fuck up a legitimately positive situation by banning the Ba’ath party and pursue an occupation under rules of engagement that just didn’t seem to be working. That wasn’t what I voted for. Bush’s second term saw even worse bloodshed, including the Second Battle of Fallujah, which by all accounts was quite possibly the worst thing to happen to Iraqis since the Middle Ages. It had the desired political effect, but the cost in human lives made it revolting. There are arguments, but Wikipedia cites sources that say about three hundred thousand Iraqi civilians died in The Second Gulf War. There are no words to convey this tragedy, so often framed in race hatred, religious hatred, technological advances, and a general willing of Americans to close their eyes at the truth. If you had told me in February of 2003 “we can free Iraq and get rid of Saddam, but three hundred thousand innocent people will die,” I would have replied with “let Saddam kill his own people. I’d rather our soldiers not do it.” It has colored our reputation all over the world. It has sullied our image in the Middle East. It has forever changed our relationship with a free and struggling Iraq, and it had made it almost impossible to point the finger at Vladimir Putin.  

Out of frustration, Russia is deliberately trying to soften the levels of civilian organization in Ukraine by targeting civilians with military equipment. Apartment blocks have been hit with guided missiles in cities far from the front lines. Thousands of children have been deported to Russia. Mass civilian executions have been organized and an attempt has been made to cover them up. On September 14th, 2022, the Ukrainians discovered a mass grave in the town of Izium after Russian forces evacuated. More than 400 corpses were found. The UN, the Raoul Wallenberg Centre for Human Rights, the International Red Cross, and the Organization for Secuity and Cooperation in Europe have all documented the organized murder of hundreds of civilians at a time all across occupied Ukraine. Within a year, the UN estimates more than eight thousand civilians were targeted and killed in the war.  When the President of the United States points to the hospital airstrike in Mariupol, or the elementary school in Zhytomyr, or apartment blocks in Zaporizhzhia, I am sure Arabs around the world, especially in Palestine, nod with a smile and silence. They are sure the Russians are doing it. They did it in Syria. But who are the Americans to be displaying outrage. We have lost our bitching rights.  

Despite losing our standing in the world after Iraq, most of the world moved on. Eight years under Obama, four years under Trump, we are now twenty years from the initial invasion of Iraq and most people (excepting most Arabs) have moved on because memories and empathy is usually pretty short lived – especially after elections. Russia, though, does not have that luxury. Putin is not going anywhere. He is not due for an election, and he wouldn’t lose it even if he had one. If he didn’t want to be President, he would just ask his senior boot licker Dimitri Medvedev to stand in and keep the seat warm for a while. Russia is not a democracy anymore, and since the invasion of Ukraine it has fast slipped down the slope of open dictatorship. Putin has attempted to kill opposition leaders overseas. He has jailed opposition leaders at home. He has taken control over the economy, and he has instituted the first draft in the Federation since the end of the Soviet Union. Where he wil go with this is unclear, but he cannot go far and at his age he cannot go long.  

Soviet filmmaking in the 1910’s and 1920’s was with Weimar Germany the envy of the world. The agricultural development in the 1930s in Russia was nothing short of Revolutionary. Without such strong-armed methods historians aren’t sure if the Soviets could have successfully fought off the Nazis in the 40s. In the 1950’s, under the height of internal oppression, the Russian people had the highest rate of literacy in their history. The sixties saw the first human in space speak Russian at fifty times the speed of sound. The state of stasis the Soviets reached with us under Brezhnev coupled with their collective sacrifices earned from us begrudging respect. Gorbachev, their universal pariah, is a respected leader in the West. The struggle of the Federation and the former satellites to survive the breakup and chase an independent reality was viewed by a world audience with sympathy and hope. There is much to admire about the Soviet and Russian experience. From art and culture to the politics of hope, they managed to forge a century of unusual if bloody progress. Other than what is happening to the Ukranian people, the sacrifice of Russian empathy in the west is the biggest tragedy. With the invasion of Ukraine, the Russian government is negating sympathy for their people. I think of Eisenstein and Gorky, Zhukov and Gorby and I think to myself: “they blew it.” 

The Big Lie and the Capitol Putsch of ‘21

Robert Keith Packer, of Virginia, told his judge he just put on a sweater ‘because it was cold.’ Other pictures of him earlier on January 6th show him wearing a shirt underneath the sweater that said “Schutzstaffeln.”

To describe the first six years of the Weimar Republic of Germany is to describe a nation in constant turmoil. Though it leveled out in the latter part of the decade before it was tossed into the chaos of the Great Depression, Weimar is not the image of gaeity and liberal thought we sometimes see portrayed in Hollywood, TV, or on stage that celebrates a strange democratic artfulness that tolerated homosexuality and fought off the far right in an effort to preserve human rights. This is a mutilation of history. In truth, Weimar was born of the right’s desire to contain the left without the scapegoat Kaiser, and throughout the next decade would fight back revolutions all over the German internal states from Communists, Socialists, and paramilitaries from various fascist parties staffed with hundreds of thousands of veterans of the First World War. It was in this vein that right wing activists and politicians slowly took control of not just the small states, but the large ones such as Bavaria as well, and in this way, Munich became almost as powerful as any other German capital, including Berlin. 

What could have possibly brought Germany, one of the largest empires in the world in 1914, to its absolute knees just four years later? What could have brought it’s population to famine levels and it’s society sick with corruption and Lustmord? In order to believe such a large catastrophe, the destruction of the entire economy, the overthrow of a monarchy five centuries old, millions of dead German boys (sacrificed in the name of...what exactly?), you would need a universal ‘truth’ to believe in. It was too inconvenient to believe the War Guilt clause of the Versailles Treaty was true - that Germany was the sole instigator of the war. It was blasphemous to say as a German ‘we ought not have gotten involved in a local spat between Austria and Russia over a country no one can pronounce the name of, much less find on a map. Germans could not admit to themselves that they had gone along with such a disastrous enterprise. That would mean they would be culpable. Culpable for the Western Front. Culpable for the Rape of Belgium. Culpable for the multitude of millions of Allied war dead. Instead, a new, false narrative was created among the right. It was not the Allies that were responsible for Germany’s collapse - because how could Germany ever have been defeated by a foriegn foe? The Fatherland had not lost a war in over a century. No. Time for a lie. A lie big enough for everyone to believe. For everyone to vote for. For everyone to kill for. This lie would explain six straight years of horror, hyperinflation, and street bedlam. The Big Lie.

The Big Lie is this: The ruling elite of Weimar were a bunch of democrats with a small ‘d’, a bunch of republicans with a small ‘r.’ They weren’t German patriots. They were a bunch of Liberals. The German Army wasn’t defeated...how could it be? Not an inch of German soil was lost to the Allies during the war. It was the liberals who signed the Treaty of Versailles. It was the left who gave away Alsace-Lorraine to France, who had demilitarized the Rhineland, who had given Schleswig-Holstien to the Danes, who coughed up half of Prussia to fucking Poland of all places, just so enormous Russia could have a ‘buffer.’ These politicians are the ones who have destroyed Germany, not the Allies. It was a conspiracy by the “November Criminals'' who signed the Treaty. Shit, they probably helped the French write it. This was the Big Lie. We didn’t lose the war. We were betrayed. By the left. By liberals. By the Jews. It was perfectly engineered to appeal to all the instincts of the German People: patriotism, fatherland, and a European racial consciousness. It would lead not just Germany, but all of Europe down a road of annihilation. The only group that didn’t benefit from the Big Lie were those who were in charge: a string of Prime Ministers, Presidents, and office holders trying desperately to keep a Communist revolution at bay and satisfy the needs of the vocal and vast right wing voting public who felt constantly let down by the leaders of the Republic. The only institution that seemed to overlap between the Ruling Elite and the right-wing Big Lie believing public was the Reichswehr. 

The Reichswehr was what was left of the Kaiser’s army, a barely surviving professional hundred thousand man force which had a reputation of brutally suppressing any coup attempt that came their way. Bavaria had, in the presence of the many proto-revolutions of 1925 (there were uprisings in Thuringia, Saxony, Hamburg, and the Ruhr), declared a state of emergency under the government of  Gustav von Kahr, the State Commissioner. General Otto von Lossow, the local commander of the Reichswehr in Bavaria and Colonel Hans von Seisser, the head of the Bavarian State Police acted with Kahr as a Triumvirate determined to rule Bavaria with an anti-Berlin iron fist. This was too much for Berlin, who demanded the Bavarians fall into line, recognize the national state of emergency, and suppress the Voelkischer Beobachter, the voice of the Nazi Party in print that had proven so surprisingly popular in Bavaria. The Bavarians refused, and ordered the officers of the local Reichswehr to swear an oath of loyalty to Bavaria...not to Germany. All throughout the fall of 1925, tensions ramped up to a conflict between Munich and Berlin. 

After the heat of this moment came a pause. Maybe this wasn’t the right fight to pick. The Triumvirate was losing heart, being that they were a right wing government facing off with a right-wing government. Enter the leader of the National Socialist German Worker’s Party (NSDAP) an unemployed veteran by the name of Adolf Hitler, who saw in the vacuum the chance of a lifetime slipping away.  Hitler, a former Reichswehr political informer and now a leader of a burgeoning political group that could gain a huge foothold in an independent Bavaria, saw a chance to dominate the political scene if a separation from Germany succeeded. If the Triumvirate left him out of the coup, well it was all over. When Hitler saw that all three of them were planning to give a speech at the Buergerbraukeller Beer Hall on November 8th, Hitler suspected exactly this. His paranoia was increased when his requests to see Kahr were put off until November 9th. 

The Nazi paramilitary arm, the Sturmabteilung (or S.A.), surrounded the three thousand mostly civil service workers on the night of the 8th. In true dramatic fashion, Hitler entered the Beer Hall and fired a revolver into the air, drawing immediate attention to his threat. He forced his way onto stage by threatening Kahr’s bodyguard during Kahr’s big speech… before Kahr was able to get to the point. Hitler had announced the National Socialist Revolution had begun, declared that the Army and the Police were now being led by Nazi appointees, and that a Nazi provisional government had replaced the current one in the room. 

Hitler had started this revolution like he had started his political career and like he had started the Second World War: by lying. Nothing he had said was remotely true. The officers in charge of the national army and local police were not led by Nazis, but by Seisser and Lossow’s subordinates, all still operating under the chain of command, and no one outside the Burgerbraukeller was aware of anything happening inside, largely because the S.A., or Stormtroopers, had sealed it off and no one was allowed to leave. A machine gun was placed at the entrance to mow down anyone who attempted to leave. Unbelievably, the bluff worked, and Hitler led Kahr, Seisser, and Lossow down to the basement to convince them at gunpoint to support his coup of the Bavarian government while Hermann Goering, a veteran celebrity pilot, kept the peace upstairs. 

After explaining his either very elaborate or very simpleton plan - depending on what side of the revolver you were on - the kidnappees refused first to speak to him, and then when they did, refused to join his insane attempt at capturing power. Threatened with death, all three of his captives preferred to take a bullet (possibly because Hitler promised to kill himself after he dispatched them) rather than help him an inch. Hitler, faced with such true bravery, then did the only thing he knew how to do: he upped the lie. He ran upstairs and told his other three thousand hostages that the Triumvirate had joined the revolution. The crowd's response was confusion. First, there was the ‘what the hell is actually going on?’ element, then there was the ‘All, hell Naw’ Chadwick Boseman response, but there was some genuine cheer by sympathizers in the audience probably mixed with members who just wanted to get out of the Beer Hall alive. This tremendous moment was enhanced by what I referred to earlier, what modern historians have referred to in German History as The Big Lie.

The fact is, that Imperial Germany had started the First World War. It had invaded neutral Belgium, violating a century old treaty, rushed over a million men into France in a failed effort to collapse the Third Republic, and had wiped out a third of the Russian Army over the following two years. It had also supported their ally, Austria-Hungary, with a ‘Blank Check’ in the Austrian’s pursuit of dominating the Balkans in their attempt to expand their multi-cultural and multi-ethnic empire. In fact, the entire point of Imperial Germany’s gamble in the war was to check the British Empire’s expansion and, if it could, stop France’s empire dead in its tracks. Germany’s army had been defeated on the battlefield in France, and it had turned back not just because it’s internal economy could not overcome the Allied blockade that had starved it’s population to the breaking point, but because it could no longer defend itself and an invasion of Germany was imminent. With no hope in sight, the Social Democratic Party had fled Berlin to Weimar with several allies, overthrew the Kaiser, and established a Republic that could salvage the situation. The immediate result was a German Legation sent to Paris that had swallowed the bitter pill of reality. They could not fight the Allies. They could not win the war. They could not even feed their own people themselves. They needed help, and they needed the help of the people who had just defeated them. German pride was swallowed along with reality, and they signed the Armistice ending the war that went into effect at eleven A.M. on the Eleventh of November, 1918. In The Big Lie, these politicians and the Weimar founders who sent them and ratified their work, were forever known as the November Criminals. 

Hitler spun this tale on the stage of the Beer Hall, mentioned the November Criminals by name, and reinforced the common misperceptions of The Big Lie. He had been telling it for years, and he wasn’t the only one who was doing it. He had Allies. Right wingers. Fascists. Monarchists. But the Ace in the Hole, the coup de grace, was General Erich Ludendorff, the retired leader of the entire Imperial German Armed Forces during the First World War. In fact, by 1918, Ludendorff had become the defacto dictator of Germany as everything in the country had been mobilized for the war effort. Hitler had summoned him to the Beer Hall in an attempt to persuade him to join the revolution and when Ludendorff arrived, the crowd assumed he was there for that very purpose. In truth, he was pissed at Hitler for jumping the gun and leaving him out of it, and he was doubly pissed to find out Hitler was planning to be the head of this new dictatorship and was counting on Ludendorff to just have his old job again - not in all of Germany but just in Bavaria. This was simply riding the coattails, and one wonders why Ludendorff went along with it. But he did, and he saved the revolution right there in that room, at least for another six hours.

When Hitler left the Beer Hall to deal with a clash between two right wing groups outside of Munich, he left Ludendorff in charge, who unbelievably undid everything Adolf had worked so hard to put together. Ludendorff let the Triumvirate go, failed to follow up on leading the military forces tasked with executing the coup, and made no plans to deal with the coming onslaught from Berlin that everyone knew MUST be coming. When Hitler came back to the Beer Hall, he learned not only had the coup not succeeded, it was in fact falling apart. In the meantime, Berlin had found out about the coup, sent detailed instructions to the army, and declared the National Socialist movement enemies of the state. Kahr himself, in safety, joined the national government response to suppress the revolt. 

Hitler and Ludendorff floundered with embarrassing activities. First incensed that they had been betrayed by people who had made no promises to join them at gunpoint, they attempted to engage a mediator to come to a negotiated settlement. This failed, but the idea of Ludendorff and Hitler leading a March through Berlin (much like Mussolini had done in Rome) to gain control of the central organs of the government seemed to be a good idea. It was a fucking horrible idea. When the Nazis came down Residenzstrasse from the Hoffbrauhaus to the Odeonsplatz right where the Feldherrnhalle stands as a monument to the Field Marshals of Germany, they found the opposite side of the platz was occupied by the Bavarian police. Efforts to mediate failed, and no one knows who shot first. The man next to Hitler took a bullet to the chest and fell. When Hitler fell with him, the dead man had dislocated his arm on the way down.

Sixteen Nazis and three policemen were killed. The only one left standing in the Odeonsplatz was Ludendorff, who calmly walked to the police in order to be taken into custody. Not one Nazi followed him. Those who could, fled. Goering, wounded, was helped by two Jews in a nearby shop. History does not record what happened to them. Hitler scraped his way to a countryside house of a nearby American supporter. He requisitioned her gun to shoot himself but she stopped him. She owes us all an answer. 

The result of the Beer Hall Putsch of 1925 in the near term was disastrous for the Nazi Party. The NSDAP was banned. All party leaders were arrested. The party rag silenced. Hitler stood trial for treason and this is where the long term fortunes changed. Rather than use the opportunity to show what a true ass Hitler was and expose The Big Lie as exactly that, the Judge allowed Hitler to use the opportunity to showcase everything that was wrong with Weimar and reinforce The Big Lie. Though he served a paltry term, he used the opportunity to write a dogmatic book that would be laughable if it were not taken so seriously. It was printed, sold, then eventually required as reading in all German schools. Hitler emerged as a celebrity, poised to use The Big Lie to an even higher cause: the domination of political power in Germany and the world. 

I could spend the rest of this blog detailing the highly rich history of President Donald Trump’s refusal to accept election results not decided in his favor from as early as 2016. Like Adolf, The Donald has a long, sordid history with the truth. Raised as a Republican in the rural South, I immediately refused to lend an ear to a bankrupt “billionaire” Yankee who had fucked over enough people in Real Estate deals for it to be front page news. He also gave money to Democratic causes, including to Hilary Clinton, so he was a non starter for someone like me. I was amazed when my fellow Republicans started falling over themselves to suck his cock. For the entire Clinton administration, character was an issue, we were told. If you couldn’t trust a man with your wife, why would you give him your country? If character was not an issue, Rush Limbaugh famously argued on this racist and misogynistic radio show, why isn’t Ted Kennedy President? But the GOP dropped all objections to Trump, and retrospectively I can see why. He had an in, and he had been developing it for years. Even before he officially ran for office, he subscribed and them prosthelytized the idea the Barrack Obama. Oils not be President because he was not born in the United States and was not a U.S. citizen. Like many concerned voters, I had my doubts about Obama, but as months passed and the Supreme Court ruled consistently and solidly in Obama’s favor, I knew what the truth was. But having been shown the truth, Donald doubled down and started his presidential bid, much like Adolf. On a lie. He lied about his taxes, his past, his earlier Democratic leanings, he even lied in mid sentence sometimes and when he saw a crowd geared up, he’d make another outrageous lie knowing it would only make him more powerful in the eyes of his constituency. As a Republican, I was appalled. Lying is, of course, par for the course among politicians but the nature and breadth of Trumps lying was insane. He made promises he didn’t give a shit about (putting MORE terrorists in Guantanamo) and lied about shot he never intended to even try to do (have Mexico pay for a wall). This was way different than Obama saying he was going to close Gitmo only to find out as President how exceedingly impossible it was or his very real threat to veto wall funding. These lies had purpose. These lies had flair. He was unashamed and flippant when NPR asked him why he lied so much and why he crossed the press so often. “I do it so I can discredit you,” he said in a super rare moment of honesty, “and so I can do what I want.” He aimed to destroy the only American organ that checked his power since Congress was split and the Supreme Court neutered - the media, and he succeeded. But he was only getting started. 

During the election of 2020, he repeatedly refused to say he would accept the election results. It would be far easier to just cut and paste the entire text of the Wikipedia article “Attempts to overturn the 2020 United States Presidential Election '' which  has an impressive 390 footnotes to the date of this publication. The movement to protest the election of Joe Biden moved from the streets into the courtrooms, where a record number of lawsuits were filed over election laws even before anyone voted. Recognized racist groups such as the Three Percenters, the Proud Boys, and the Oath Keepers, each with their own distinctive racist ideological back drop not much different than Mien Kampf, gained more and more traction as each lawsuit failed in turn, and after the extended time after the election, they organized to persuade the individual States to lean the given electoral votes in Trump’s  direction. When the States slowly reconfirmed and certified their votes in turn, the media reached a point they felt it was safe to call the election - safe in terms of their collusion in helping a corrupt President retain power, not in terms of pandering.

Trump personally intervened by ordering his justice department to make decisions that would favor the result he wanted, and called state officials from the White House to do the same. Supreme Court petitions failed. A scheme to select alternate electors failed. When it was all said and done, the Senate of the United States was the body that certified the state elections, and this was led by the Vice President of the United States, Mike Pence. Faced with siding with Trump in a coup d'etat, and enforcing his oath as a servant of the Constitution, Pence decided to do the latter - who knows how unwillingly. Before he could do that, a mob stormed the Capitol to stop him. 

Once again I could just paste the complete blow by blow by copying the 2021 United State Capital Attack wikipedia page here (with a whopping 643 citations to date), but I feel lying is only something conservatives do. The day of the electoral count, January 6th, the President held a rally in which he continued The Big Lie he had so carefully and consciously constructed for four long years. Only he was to be believed. Only he was to be followed. Only his truth was the truth. Ein Volk. Ein Riech. Ein Fuhrer. Alternative facts. Fake News. Stop the Steal. The Big Lie. It actually runs so close to Orwellian Newspeak and Communist Agitprop as to be academically admirable. Trump holding a rally of his followers at the mall and telling them to “go to the capitol” to “stop the steal” was the equivalent of firing a revolver into the ceiling and declaring the National Socialist Revolution had begun. As the mob of Fascists rushed the Capitol and threatened the lives of hundreds of people, the lawmakers (much like the Bavarian Triumvirate) fled to the basement… you could say at gunpoint... for safety. When the dust settled, three Trump supporters were killed, and two police officers were beaten to death. One hundred and thirty eight police officers were injured, and fifteen were hospitalized with severe injuries - injured by a mob led by a ‘law and order’ President. 

If any one thing had gone wrong - our Republic would have fallen. If Pence had decided not to do his duty (Congress had no cause to remove him), or if Congressional leaders were not whisked to safety, or if Trump had convinced just one military officer strategically placed above colonel to join him, if the National Guard had not shown up, we would all be sieg hieling right now. Don’t laugh. It happened in Columbia. It happened in Argentina. It happened in Brazil. It happened in Mexico, lots of times. Shit, it happened in Spain in the thirties, Italy in the forties, and in Balkans just twenty five years ago. 

The President whipped up a mob and threw it at the Capitol with the intent of stopping Pence from certifying the election. “This,” former President George W. Bush announced the next day, “is what happens in third rate banana republics.” It failed only because the lawmakers were evacuated and kept in a safe location. It failed only because the National Guard, embarrassingly not even ‘on call’ during a Mall march of this magnitude, finally pushed the mob out and started arresting a shockingly small number of people. The Capitol Putsch of 1921 failed much like the Beer Hall Putsch of 1925. It was commissioned by The Big Lie. 

Judging by the November election, Donald Trump has at least seventy five million supporters in the United States. Perhaps some of them were turned off by January 6th, but I’m sure most were not. He remains popular among his constituents, and The Big Lie is still believed. It’s amazing to think that in twenty years we went in this country from making fun of Hilary saying there was a “vast, right wing conspiracy” (specifically against her husband) to it actually being true. Extrapolating the truth from this is very easy. 

Fact: the President lost the election. Fact: the President attempted to keep power by engineering a coup. Fact: he did this by convincing his constituents that he was the real winner of the election. All of this is couched of course on the idea that the dreaded left will come in with all kinds of socialism that will destroy what is left of the ‘Murica that you know. This is all drivel, and you know it. It is The Big Lie. What remains to be seen is what the short term and long term consequences are. In the short term, it does not appear that there are any consequences for Donald Trump. He is free, living in his castle, doing what he likes with who he likes. He is still influencing GOP politics to the point of personal control all over this country, from influencing audits to sicking his attack dogs on members of the media. He has yet to suffer any prosecutions from the ten identifiable transgressions of the law the Mueller Report found two years ago, much less planning and executing an attempted coup d’etat in the United States.

The long term consequences are also not clear, but it does not look good. Normally I would say a divided congress is good for the functioning of democracy, but this blind GOP does not seem to be able to stop drinking their master’s Kool-Aid. They’re in it to win, or steal it if they can, by very deftly sticking to The Big Lie. They’re not just going along with it for the votes. They’re complicit. With master liars like Tucker Carlson on their side, how can they lose? They’ve gerrymandered two-thirds of the states in this country to maintain control over their shrinking power base. Their war against progressives is succeeding. In Texas in one month alone they banned abortion, stopped requiring permits for firearms in public, and passed restrictive legislation on people of color “to protect the purity of the ballot box.” Such language would make Hitler proud.

There is a direct correlation between The Big Lie the Nazis used to attain power and The Big Lie the Republicans are using to keep power. There is a direct correlation between what Hitler intended to use the The Big Lie for (suppression of the left) and what Trump wants to use The Big Lie for (suppression of the left). The only difference that I can see is the ideological difference between Trump and Hitler, though they are definitely both Fascists. Hitler was a believer in his ideology. Trump is almost unaware of it. He is in it for the power and the glory to be sure, but if you told him he could do the exact same thing on the left and get everything he wanted, he’d do it. He just couldn’t take over the Democratic Party nearly as well and as fast as he could the Republicans. He is among all things first an opportunist, leading opportunists, followed by opportunists. Everyone believes The Big Lie but him. He knows the truth. He’s been making it up for years. Just like Goebbels once said: It doesn’t have to be true, it just has to be. 

AMERICAN REVISIONIST FASCISM IN MODERN STREAMING SERVICES 12-13-20

Walter Karl Ernst August von Reichenau, Field Marshal of the Wehrmacht of Nazi Germany during the Second World War. Reichenau commanded the 6th Army during the invasion of Ukraine in June, 1941. In stark contrast to the lie that the regular German Army (Heer) did not take part in war crimes, Reichenau issued an order on 10 October 1941 which specifically commanded his army to murder Jews as a political act incorporated into the military purpose of the invasion. Under his command, the 6th Army regularly committed war crimes, ensuring the German Army would forever be a part of the Holocaust.

Dr. Hermann Reuss, the Catholic Divisional Chaplain of the 295th Infantry Division of Army Group Central, wrote a report describing atrocities being carried out under the German occupation of Ukraine on August 20, 1941, not even a month after the Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Reuss had been alerted by German soldiers that an enormous execution had taken place in the village of Byelaya Tserkov, just an hour’s drive from Kiev. A platoon of the Waffen SS, aided by members of the Ukranian Nationalist (read Fascist) militia, had rounded up and executed several hundred Jewish men and women by firing squad. After the massacre, the SS rounded up the children and, apparently not willing to go that far, at least today, locked them up in a house and put them under the guard of the Ukranians. Dr. Reuss and a Protestant Chaplain named Kornmann, visited the house and found a sight hard to behold. Wailing and crying for their dead parents who had been murdered in front of them, the children were undernourished and in great despair. About 90 of them were in a state of peril in the house, some of them covered with their own feces. The young were looking after the younger. Reuss learned from another German soldier that the day before the SD had taken three trucks stuffed with children from the house, all to be executed, and more executions were scheduled the following day. Reuss and Kornmann’s report to Lieutenant Colonel Groscurth greatly alarmed him. He cordoned off the building, arranged for water to be brought to the children, and then, unbelievably, sent a cable to Army headquarters (Field Marshal von Reichenau’s HQ) for a decision on whether or not the children were to be liquidated. The SD officer had returned with an Abwehr representative and two SS officers to discuss the matter with Groscurth, evidently expressing indignation that a stay of execution of the wailing children had been postponed, and accusing the chaplains of sticking their noses into places they didn’t belong. They should be taking care of the spiritual welfare of the German Soldaten, one Captain Luley exclaimed, not intervening for screaming Jewish children. The army’s decision was to continue the executions, with some senior general staff officers complaining the children had a 24 hour stay of execution. The group then planned out the execution. The children were then rounded up, taken to the same spot where the previous truckloads were executed, unloaded, and shot in the head before being dumped into a ditch. No infant escaped this treatment. Groscurth then wrote a report to his immediate commanding officer, von Richenau, noting that executions of children were an inevitable result of war, but should be done in secret, away from the prying eyes of ‘normal’ troops, and complained that the children in question should have been executed with their parents. “Both infants and children should have been eliminated immediately in order to have avoided this inhuman agony,” he wrote, citing several officials that decided it was impossible to let the children live given ideological and practical considerations. Reichenau was incensed at even receiving a report, making three copies in reply for posterity and saying he reviewed the matter and in his professional opinion, “I have ascertained in principle that once begun, the action was conducted in an appropriate manner.” So for instance, the inappropriate action was the one-day pause in executing the children. This exposed the ‘special aktion’ to the troops, and this was unacceptable. “It would have been far better,” the legendary Field Marshal closed “if the report had not been written at all.” This was deemed by some as “practical work for our Fuhrer.”

When I was in middle school, I used to ride my bike through the neighborhood next to mine, past the local synagogue, across the drainage canal, and past the Hong Kong market to a used book store in a small storefront run by an ex-school teacher who had enough of little shits like me. One time I had no book to trade and went into a dollar and seventy cents of debt to get Stephen King’s The Dead Zone. When I finished it, I came back and traded it, taking on another twenty cents of debt, for a novel by Philippe Van Rjndt named The Trial of Adolf Hitler - a counterfactual fiction that described what the world community would have done if Hitler had escaped the bunker, lived a couple of decades, and then was put on trial by the UN for war crimes. It wasn’t good. Van Rindt was like many of us, educated and fascinated with the horrors and legacy of the Third Riech. His book The Tetramachus Collection was another fictionalization but closer to the mark in tracing the Vatican’s secret operation to smuggle SS war criminals out of Allied Occupied Europe and into the safe arms of the Fascist States of South America. Last Message to Berlin was about a mole in the US Embassy in London and a double agent in the Roosevelt Administration bent to stop an Allied Plan to win the war. Van Rindt was not a good author. All his books are out of print. But he seemed to successfully hone in on a theme several authors had cashed in on before, including H.P Lovecraft and Philip K. Dick.

Counterfactual history is largely cast aside in the slow and steady academic work that cascades down like a glacier from the Ivory Tower of history Ph.D’s. No one has time for it. Historians are too busy trying to document what actually happened, they don’t have time to go through the what if’s, despite the handful that do pontificate if Britain had actually lost the war. So this purely theoretical exercise has been largely left to the world of fiction. One of the best fiction books of the 90’s was Robert Harris’ Fatherland, a tome that took place in 1963, when Joseph Kennedy was President and on the verge of signing a peace treaty with Nazi Germany that would have ended America’s twenty-two year war with Hitler. HBO made a film about it and Rutger Hauer starred as an SS Officer who uncovers a plot to assassinate Kennedy...in an open motorcade… on a state visit to Berlin. Obviously the plot is by higher ups in the party. No, he does not survive. This counterfactual exploration inspired me my senior year in high school to write a short story exploring the counterfactual idea that the Confederate States of America had at the last minute pulled off a truce with the North because Lincoln had been assassinated one month earlier and thus before the Battle of Petersburg. The modern day CSA was a Fascist nightmare that sided with Spain during the Spanish-American War, Imperial Germany in 1917 prompting another War Between the States, and successfuly aided Nazi Germany in keeping America from helping Britain or fighting Japan in the Second World War. Slavery was outlawed in the 1960’s, but in reality racial serfdom continued to thrive as the sunbelt boom continued and the border kept rich Jews from New York and Chicago out of home grown reform movements involving buses and lunch counters. After three chapters, I was sick to my stomach and gave up the enterprise. Years later, I threw the manuscript away. 

My interest in everything German comes from my Grandfather. A non-commissioned officer in the Second Infantry Division in the Second World War, he had landed on D-Day + 22 and had fought all the way to Belgium on foot, enduring horrible combat. After he was wounded the second time, he was evacuated first to Britain, then to the desert of West Texas to heal an onslaught of Asthma. Deemed fit for duty, but not for combat, he returned to Europe in early 1945 and took over a platoon of men in Graves Registration where he tagged, documented, and buried bodies in designated Allied or American cemeteries. He did this until November ‘45 when he caught a ship home. Growing up with my grandfather was complicated. I loved him dearly, and respected him as a reluctant soldier. Though he had fought valiantly and for the most noble cause, he detested war, and outright told his two sons not to go to Vietnam. At the same time, his racial attitudes were very much antiquated. Though he found a special place in hell for Germans, and heavily criticized the Lebensborn Program, he held strong racist views that I could not account for and always made me uncomfortable. But it was from him that I learned about the war, how much he hated it, and I came to hate it with him. As I matured, and he passed, I amassed a knowledge of what he fought against, and it solidified my resolve against it, but I still wasn’t sure why it was all so evil. That came in grad school, when I was forced to deep dive into sources too horrible to contemplate. The details and specifics of such gangster politics and ideological evil were hard to stomach, but like a train wreck, it was hard to turn away. The expression of the Jewish experience through art since the Shoah, which was the ultimate result of such evil, I found fascinating and enriching. Film is the supreme apex of all art, so why would it not be the ultimate expression of survivor experience, or what will shortly become a legacy expression when all our survivors have passed. Marathon Man. The Night Porter. The Music Box. All of these gave way to deeper contemplation in films like Downfall. Germany, Pale Mother. Shoah. The reverberations down through the decades captured legacies of the War and the Shoah that had cultural and political consequences that were not predicted. They gave rise to films that touched the edges of the tragedy.  The Lost Honor of Katharina Blum. The Baader Mienhof Complex. Germany in Autumn. Even Iron Sky dealt with these issues, at hand the horrible thought that the Third Riech had survived - a well used trope but not in terms of comedy. 

It is this idea of a Nazi survival that has terrified us, and has driven us to be fans of the rare counterfactual academia, literature, and very well produced ‘television’ series on streaming services such as Amazon Prime. I was ‘Primed’ for The Man in the High Castle. I had read the book decades ago, and a plot about an America as a colony of the conquering Riech, splitting its continent with the just as Fascist Japanese Empire seemed right up my alley. I was not disappointed. The screenwriters did their homework. If you study the occupied territories of both of those powers during wartime, you’ll find remarkable similarities to what you see in The Man in the High Castle. The Japanese simply never trusted anyone who was not Japanese, and in every single circumstance in their colonial empire, they replaced all important officials with Yamato, the racial description of themselves.  All the cops were Japanese in China for example, managing the minute structure of precinct police forces. This stretched the Empire to its breaking point, very well conveyed in the show. You could say the Japanese were right at the end of our war with them to accuse us of being their teachers. Britain had done the same in South Africa, India, and even in neighboring territories of Asia. Things were so integrated they were hard to tear apart. The Japanese Pacific States is an integrated part of the Empire, and so was Manchukou and other conquered islands they ruled. The Nazis on the other hand, took a much different approach. There was alway a Nazi in charge, make no mistake about that, but whereever the party went, the party relied on local home grown fascists to contribute to the cause. Whether it was the Netherlands or Ukraine, the local members of the fascist order would step up to do the dirty work. Only places marked for Germania, such as the lands in Poland that were previously under the German Empire before the Treaty of Versailles, were conquered territories directly incorporated into the Riech. To their racial ideology, only such land, equal on footing with Austria, was racially pure. All other lands such as the Baltics, the Balkans, any previously Soviet administered country, was therefore managed with recruits. Fascist Ukranian militia, trained at special camps run by the Nazis, were trained to round up Jews, shoot Jews, and parcel their property out to those who were loyal to the state. First in the list were the overlords, but the long term beneficiaries of any place occupied by the Nazis, even Poland, were the Goyim neighbors who moved into Jewish homes, Jewish farms, Jewish businesses, Jewish properties. Everything. Nothing belonged to the Jew anymore. 

And so in the Greater American Reich of The Man in the High Castle, it is rightfully set that there are no Jews. There are no African Americans. There are no Latinos. There are no minorities of any kind, because there were no minorities tolerated in Germania, and they were only tolerated in the occupied territories as a slave labor force for the Reich. They built, they quarried, they exhumed and cremated their dead. So what are we to glean from this absence of minorities in The Man in the High Castle? Where are they? I’ll tell you where they are. American Jews and African Americans, and Latino immigrants, were all rounded up, shot in the head, and buried. That’s option one. Option Two is they were cremated after mass gassings, the procss being perfected for use in Europe during the war. You could probably find these gas chambers in the suburbs of Hoboken, outside Jackson, Mississippi. Perhaps even in Gary, Indiana. 

The character arcs that happen in The Man in the High Castle are a fascinating play out of conspiracy theories that don’t seem that outlandish outside the phenomenal aspect of the show. Helen Smith, doting wife of SS Obergruppenfuhrer John Smith, begins as an ardent NAZI wife. She doesn't like to remember the old days before war and instead focuses on her life of new American consumerism. One of the critiques we take of this is that it might not be that far off from the real consumerist obsession of 1950’s housewives. Whether that is a real disadvantage to American history is debatable, but racism is not, and in the first episode, Helen seems to always bend to the will of her husband when confronted with ‘facts’ at the breakfast table like racial superiority or what should happen to ‘non-conformist’ students. Over the arch of the show, Helen at first finds doubt in the system due to her only son turning himself in to be euthanized after he discovers he has a genetic disorder: so successful is the racial brainwashing propaganda of the American Riech. Not even in Nazi Germany was the euthanasia program very successful. It had to be shut down because of the public uproar after families were notified that their sons or daughters, uncles or friends, were gassed in accordance with the plan to rid German society of physical or mental defectives. It was the Spartan equivalent of throwing the deformed babies over the cliffs after birth, and Germans were not having it. Priests and ministers, even low level NAZI politiicans, took to the streets in vast protest at the snuffing out of innocent German lives. The fact that the program was stopped in the face of such protests was shocking. The fact that no other protest ever again took place in Germany for the Communists, or the Jews, or the Gypsies, or the homosexuals, is damning. In the last season of the show, Helen Smith’s ideological animosity slowly infects her relationship with her husband as she strongly suspects, then confirms that his power grab for control of North America is more than just keeping his family safe. It is also about continuing the racial extermination of undesirables across the continent. So in that context Smith is worse than Field Marshal von Richenau. He’s just as bad as Himmler, or Heydrich. Or worse. When Helen discovers the plans for the gas chambers to be built all across America and used to cleanse a non-white present for an all-white future, she snaps. She is specifically equating her ‘defective’ son to those people of color. After all, there was nothing wrong with Thomas, genetically. He was just sick. Humans get sick. It’s a fact. It does not mean that Thomas’ life had any greater or lesser value than any one other person. That’s Mengele talking. So Helen began to think about the black population of the neutral zone, the Jews of the former Japanese Pacific States. They weren’t much different than her dear son. Once she arrived at that truth, her character took an enormous step. 

In a fight with her daughter in the series finale, Helen has a remarkable exchange about the genocide that she participated it. It is true, she didn’t know. It is also true that she didn’t want to know, and in not wanting to know, in accepting the lies that that black Americans had just magically moved away, She was complicit in a willing suspension of disbelief. In actively denying what happened, she was also actively admitting to herself what was really going on. How did she ‘know’; that black Americans were exterminated in a racial genocide? Because she knew enough to not want to know. It’s worse than plausible deniability. It is collaboration that makes Vichy France look quaint. Helen’s reaction to her daughter’s tirade, and her daughter’s hurtful condemnation of her parent’s crimes, were repeated by millions across all of the Federal Republic of Germany. By 1965, German baby boomers were between the ages of 15 and 25, and were old enough to ask once they got to college “what did you do doing the war?” And all of a sudden, it became upsetting to say, “darling, in one day, I shot five hundred twenty seven Jewish men, four hundred and thirty four Jewesses, and three hundred and fourteen Jewish children. That includes about eighty infants, less than a year old. I did it for Germany. I did it for the Fuhrer.”

Amazon, despite the enormous beef it has endured during such a tumultuous year, has scored more than a few introspective hits the past couple of years. In one, The Boys, which is a retelling of an almost forgotten comic book run, the hero worship in our society is looked at under a microscope, as is how precariously close we truly are to fascism. All it takes is worshiping the wrong man, regardless of what flag he is waving or wearing, and we are all putting ourselves under the Geheime Staats Polizei. And if you think that’s crazy, just look at the federal agents in Portland who removed their badges and name tags while in uniform to beat the shit out of peaceful protestors. There’s a similar scene in Aaron Sorkin’s The Trial of the Chicago 7 on Netflix shortly before Eddie Redmayne and Sacha Baron Cohen, playing Tom Hayden and Jerry Rubin, are thrown into a restaurant window. They’re later charged for inciting a riot the police started. Last year, Amazon chased this theme with The Plot Against America. Ostensibly about a Jewish family divided by the politics of Roosevelt during his third election, and second re-election, in 1940, the show carefully delineates over the course of a year how a nation slowly slides from democracy into fascism. Every book I’ve ever read about Italy before Mussolini’s rise to power confirms everything you see in this slow but startling series. The small scale street fights that gradually turn into street brawls. The micro laws meant to restrict Jewish activities that gradually turn into Jews can’t do this. Jews can’t live here. Jews must do this. Pretty soon, it’s Jews, get into the oven. Mussolini’s Italy was all about this gradual slide into a dictatorship. While it is true that while he personally was head of state, the persecution of the Jews was pretty light handed (by comparison) it is also true that when the time came, he gave them up just like everyone else, including in Petain’s France. This slide from democracy to dictatorship, is carefully constructed and some would say too patiently paced out in The Plot Against America. But this I think is the point. We all get bored. We all get tired. We all move on. So what if more of your liberties are taken away at an even faster pace. At least you have your iPhone. By the end of this series, as you become more and more aware what a shitbag the real Charles Lindbergh was (a pro-Hitler fascist, a nodding racist celebrated in Germany, where he franchised a second family) you start to become, even as a gentile, distrustful of anything that isn’t Jewish. Then, even after you think as long as it’s kosher, it’s safe, other Jews turn on you. John Turturro and Winona Ryder, perfectly cast as a Rabbi and his fiancee to-be, are not merely stand ins for the hundreds of Jews who formed councils to give away the rights of the entire community. They exemplify why there was no ground swell organized resistance across occupied Europe: because the Germans had already organized the opposition, and used it to destroy its own people. It’s like reading about the Sonder Kommando at Auschwitz. Recruited and trained to clean out the crematoria of dead bodies after each gassing, the first job of the Sonder Kommando was to clear out the bodies of the previous Sonder Kommando. There were fourteen Kommandos in total. The thirteenth rebelled, were murdered anyway. The fourteenth went to their deaths like the twelfth. It makes you wonder how Turturro and Ryder are going to survive their completely preventable decisions. 

Also on Amazon is the sideways spy drama Hunters, which does not know exactly what it wants to be all of the time. There’s awkward comedy, true tragedy, and unbelievable performances out of past prime actors like Al Pacino, Carol Kane, and the gloriously heart string puller Saul Rubinek. Hunters does not pull any punches when it comes to what the darkest side of American racism is. As one antagonist says: “We like playing with you Jews, because you know what the stakes are.” And after a particularly horrible scene that shows the brutality resulting from segregation and miscegenation, one particularly horrible asshole says:  “When you don’t separate the whites from the coloreds, the colors always bleed.”

By now you must be wanting me to provide a point to all of this. Well, what is the point of all of these counterfactual experiences from our friendly neighborhood streaming services? What are they trying to tell us? What does it have to do with my blunt opening to this rambling essay? What is it all about, Dylan? Good question. What is John Smith’s point? Or Lindbergs? Or Homelander’s? Endgame time. What we must remember, or at least try to keep in some perspective, is the ultimate goal of John Smith, or Charles Lindberg, our two great American Patriots. What is it that they want to achieve? I’ll tell you. It’s a stronger, whiter America, with hundreds of thousands of ditches filled with millions of infants, strangled and bludgeoned, truncheoned and thrown, after they’ve been shot through the head by a 1944 toggle locked recoil operated semi automatic 7.65 millimeter Luger Parabellum Pistole, most specially held by your next door neighbor. He informed on you to your local police. He had a score to settle since your boy beat his boy in the spelling bee. Chances are he’s not flying a Biden flag in his front yard, if you know what I’m saying. He hates you because you look like a Communist. Or Slavic. Or a Jew. You don’t even have to have a label to be marked as an enemy of the state. In the first episode of The Man in the High Castle, John Smith listens to a story from his teenage son about another kid in his history class that thinks different. “Ah,” Smith says, “a non-conformist.”

That’s what I am. A non-conformist. I don’t think it’s okay to separate immigrant children from their parents, regardless of their circumstances. I don’t think it’s okay to stop or restrict abortion procedures that save the lives of mothers. I don’t think it’s okay for the nation’s executive to tell foriegn heads of state to stay at his hotels, or spend money on his products. I don’t think it’s okay to cancel the valid visas and residency permits of legal immigrants because you don’t like what color they are or what religion they are. I don’t think it’s okay to piss off your closest, most friendly neighbor, whom you share a combined economy and the earth’s longest unguarded border just to show them who’s in charge. I don’t think it’s okay to talk to foriegn governments about ‘dirt’ they have on your political opponents. I don’t think it’s okay to attack the free press with the intent to delegitimize all criticisms from any quarter. I don’t think it’s okay to excuse the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Americans because you worship the almighty dollar. I don’t think it’s okay to publicly lie about facts of which you know to be false simply because you do not want to admit you are not universally liked, or loved, or voted for, or whatever. I don’t think it’s okay for the most powerful man in the world to be surrounded by sycophants. I don’t think it’s okay for the Commander in Chief to be a racist. I don’t think it’s okay for the President of the United States to openly grab women by their pussy as a way of introduction. I don’t think it’s okay for him to not concede after he has clearly lost, and to encourage his voters and followers to challenge the results of a legal election. Somehow, in the twisted, fucked up world of Donald Trump, I am a non conformist because I believe that the traditions of this country have so far provided a rocky if forward path of progressivism. And because of that, because I believe racism is wrong, sexism is wrong, and that democracy should be respected regardless of who won, where will I be after a second Trump term? 

Probably in a ditch with the Jews. That’s my point.

WHY THE FUCK DO I STILL READ ROLLING STONE? 9-17-20

And of course the true crime no one wants to discuss is the airbrushing.

When I was a child, about a month after John Lennon was murdered (almost live on TV, I was watching football with my parents when it was announced), Rolling Stone Magazine published an issue with John Lennon, naked, cuddling with his avant garde artiste wife, Yoko Ono. I was too young to know anything about art, but I knew who the Beatles were, and I knew John Lennon was the frontman of the group. I didn’t know much more than that, other than it was this great tragedy that he had died. As the decade whipped by, I noticed more and more this huge tabloid size magazine and when I was in Journalism class my Freshman year, my Newspaper Advisor bought me a year subscription because he asked me if I had my choice, which one would it be? I wrote every music review for my school newspaper the last three years I was there, and Peter Travers helped me write them. 

Rolling Stone was known for doing stupid shit along side thier above par music journalism. As I learned how to play guitar as a twelve year old, their decade long bashing of Led Zeppelin was infamous. Their first four albums did not get anything close to what you would call good reviews. Every issue, I would shake my head at some bullshit assessment of Frank Zappa, or read what I assumed to be racially biased material as the white world pondered the threat of hip hop. During the 90’s, when touring seemed to reach a zenith in the States, there was a shocking lack of coverage of the Dave Matthews Band, which was known for tearing up the circuit and allowing anyone with a 3.5 patch cord to jack into their board and record.  The biggest thing that would make me hold my nose though, was the politics. Given it was originally a magazine born out of the San Francisco ‘Summer of Love,’ it goes without saying that it was a liberal rag, and they would be proud of that. None of this bothered me. I expected a publication that covered pop and rock music to be way left of center, and a tad bit more for me since I was on the right. It was part of the experience. Every once in a while you got tired of the idea that Reagan was just as bad as Nixon and roll your eyes. You got over it. There was no sense in getting upset at every slight you read since it was filled with bias. Their covers were the biggest target, though most of the time, I couldn’t tell you what for. The Red Hot Chili Peppers had socks over their dicks in ‘92, and Janet Jackson had someone hold her tits in ‘93. This was nothing new, and it rarely bothered me. John and Yoko were nude on the cover in one of their first issues, and Charles Manson, a would-be singer that has a song credit with the Beach Boys, was featured during his trial in 1969. Jar-Jar pissed a lot of people off, but that neither the near childporn like image of Alica Silverstone, or the inlay ‘spread’ of her sent me over the edge. 

But every once in a while, Rolling Stone would piss me off. The first time Marilyn Manson was on the cover, it was paired with an article in which he joked about pedophilia. I didn’t care to write a diatribe to the editor. I just cancelled my subscription. If they had just left that part of the interview out, it would have been fine. I didn’t think it was appropriate given the reading base of Rolling Stone was more than likely exposed to child abuse to some degree. If I were a survivor, that would upset me. A few years went by. I resubscribed. That went on until about a month before the Second Gulf War. Rolling Stone had decided, in some process of thought, to give Tom Morello a page on the Bush Administration and their push to invade Iraq. I expected Rolling Stone to be against the invasion. In fact, I expect Rolling Stone to be against PEPFAR as long as it is attached to the name of George W. Bush. The same goes for Tom Morello. It doesn’t bother me that he is a Marxist. It doesn’t bother me that he was wrong. What I did not expect was for Morello, a man much more highly educated than his background with Rage Against the Machine would suggest, to lie so frequently in an opinion piece that Rolling Stone had presented as fact. It was actually quite shocking. I made a transparency of the single page diatribe, put it on the overhead, and offered ten extra credit points to any student who proved anything wrong in Morello’s article, per infraction. I had to hand out so much extra credit, I knew it was the last time I would do that exercise. It didn’t bother me that Morello described the Bush Administration as “the Enron Presidency” or characterized the ruling ‘regime’ as a group of people wringing their hands together in blood. What was amazing was a long list of stunning inaccurate facts which apparently Rolling Stone, under the auspices of op-ed protections, thought was okay. Just one that I will share was Morello claiming that the Second Gulf War was the first war the United States was involved in which an anti-war protest movement started before the war. This was so false as to be completely laughable. I actually felt bad for Morello when I read it. That would be news to Charles Lindbergh, who led a pro-Germany, pro-Fascist, anti-Semetic, anti-war group called the America First Committee that for three years tried like hell to stop Roosevelt from lifting a finger to help Brits fight off Nazis. You’d think Morello, an avowed Communist, would know something like that. Every single war in American history has had an anti-war movement before the war occured. If you want to get ‘technical,’ half the population of the colonies were loyalists, and wanted no part of a war with Britain - just read anything by Gordon Wood to fact check that. The Mexican American War was seen, before it started, as an out and out land grab and close to a racial genocide, and that was what officers in the army like Ulysees S. Grant wrote when they sent letters to their wives. Most emphatic of all, and most insulting of all, was the denial that the Vietnam War did not have a huge movement trying to stop the war well before the Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. I bet Morello’s article was HUGE news to Mario Savio and the Students for a Democratic Society at Berkeley - not in 1965, but in 1964, and 1963. In this light, the article wasn’t just wrong on American History, it was insulting to its readers. I cancelled again. 

Then I was a poor school teacher. Then I was a poor grad student.  Then I worked in the oil patch for ten years and never had the time to subscribe to anything except my children’s attention when I could get it. When I moved to Canada in 2010, one of my direct reports was an RS nut. He had every issue going back to 1976, and even brought me several special copies to take a look at. I resubscribed, sending my wife into hysterics. Sometimes I was in Newfoundland for six weeks and would come back to see two issues that I couldn’t finish before the next one came in. I really didn’t have time for it, but the Tegan and Sara coverage was stellar north of the 49th Parrallel. But then...it happened again. 

RS decided, in a fog of whatever, to put Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the Boston Bomber who murdered among several people before and during the bombing, Martin Richard, a four year old who was spectating with his father at the Marathon. The minute I saw the cover, I knew it was bad news. They made Tsarnaev to look like Jimi Hendrix, or Bono, or any number of rock stars. The image was deliberately selected and softened. Not even the cover title, which asked why a kid had been radicalized and turned into a monster, could explain why RS had chosen a murderer to put on the cover. Manson, you could argue, didn’t actually kill anybody. But Tsarnaev killed a lot of people, including a cop. Including a toddler. And RS’s excuse was… he was in the demographic of their readership. Hard hitting journalists, the staff of RS might be. They could be called the best depending on what you’re looking for. But apparently when it comes to covers they’re shit for brains. I immediately cancelled. I read the article. It explained a lot about how the nation's domestic and international policy was leading to the radicalization of youth. What it didn’t explain was how that justified making Tsarnaev a sex symbol. I wasn’t having it, and that’s fine with RS I’m sure. They don’t want me buying their rag. 

The years ticked by. Occasionally I would check out the RS website. About once every 18 months, I’d swing by the library and read a copy in the mag section while my kids were looking at books or taking extra English or French lessons. I still have back issues going to the ‘80s. I have the RS Cover Book, and several hardback special editions, including a history of the 60’s and a great collection of famous photography. But for the very longest time, I couldn’t push myself to actually subscribe again. Forget it, I told myself. I quit three times, just like smoking.  

But last year I saw an exciting run: Travis Scott, Jordan Peel, Willie Nelson, Halsey…with this line up I could tolerate the GOT cast getting head space in a music magazine, or worse ‘The Squad’ from Capitol Hill, a viewpoint I had no use or time for. But, I decided, I’ll take the good with the bad like I did before and give it a shot. So I did. And boom, next issue. Billie Eilish. This issue wasn’t just leading with a lady, it had a drop jaw article on how RS intended on ranking music sales in the era of streaming alongside the interesting teenager that I had never given the time of day. Cover to cover, it was gold. It’s true, I wasn’t a fan of Taydolf Switler being on the next issue given her notorious reputation in the industry which no one, including RS, seems to want to talk about. But then, boom, Lana Del Ray, Elton John. Not every issue was nearly as interesting as what I remember them to be in the 80’s or 90’s, but that’s alright. We live in a different time. Print is in danger. 

But the next five issues would put my decision to the test. Every ‘news’ rag has a candidate to push, and RS decided to put Elizabeth Warren on the cover in January, whose candidacy for President did not survive until the next issue. Lizzo followed, with Megan Thee Stallion leading a trio, then an issue on Greta Thunberg which followed the media pattern of using that poor girl. I expected more judgement, really. Then the world changed, and Andrew Cuomo, another politician I can’t stand, garnered a sympathetic article only because he’s not nearly as detestable as the dickhead at 1600. It was almost six months of shit. And the ‘music’ coverage wasn’t even that good. I could stand all the bullshit politics as long as it had at least a halfway decent section on what I missed and what I should check out. And let’s face it, though I love the Weeknd, I do not think I’m in the demographic to be a Megan Thee Stallion fan. I got an email from RS saying they’d cut me a deal if I signed on. I felt strongly like passing. No, RS didn’t piss me off like they had in the past, but I could feel them warming up to a giant finger fest sometime soon. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hang on until then.

Finally, June’s cover of Bad Bunny got the issue back on track with some very good industry news of life for our nation’s musicians ‘during these trying times.’ The historic Black Lives Matter cover in July was exceptional, and only had one rage filled article aimed at the populace RS doesn’t want to take money from. Then Lil Baby. But what really did it was The Beatles in September. It’s like the editors knew a large segment of their population was on the edge of dropping them. There hadn’t been a halfway decent issue in half a year before the Black Live Matter issue. And now The Beatles.  So we’re full circle. Or are we? I still have the renewal card from the last issue on my desk. I’m thinking of biting the bullet for another twelve months. But I know, whether it’s next month or next year, I just know it’s going to happen. I’m going to get an issue in the mail, and I’m going to look at the cover, and read the article, then toss it in the trash and ask myself “Why the fuck do I still read Rolling Stone?” Then I’m going to type up that cancellation letter and send it in again. Because I’m not going to be able to answer that question to my satisfaction. I guess this is what it’s like to be a Rolling Stone reader. But should it be like this as a music fan?

GOT JOURNAL 8-30-20

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Introduction

D to the K to the Motherfucking A to the Third Power handed me the entire series of GOT in June 2019. I had only seen the first episode, which I watched with my wife about ten years before and I hated it. Dave made me promise to give it a spin, so I decided to dive in and take notes from a new perspective. Warning. This is 38 pages long in Microsoft Word at eleven point font, and I gook notes as I went, sometimes not noting the action on screen, just reacting to it. Good luck.

Season One, Episode One

I don’t know who’s prettier, Jason Momoa or Emilia Clarke. I did notice it took fifteen minutes of screen time to get a girl with big tits naked on screen and thirty minutes for Emilia Clarke. Other than the clear parallels to Lord of the RIngs, other things I noticed were:

-Sophie Turner, Jean Grey from the X-Men, who I have never been fond of, suddenly appears appealing, which is upsetting because she looks like she’s twelve. 

-Sean Bean old, bloated, fat, can act the pants off just about everybody around him, making the youngins, even Emilia Clarke, look like patented amateurs. 

-Lena Headley has a deadly look and deadly stare, and I’ve been impressed with her performances in films like Dredd, but so far she’s overblown.

-Other than “holy shit, it’s a dwarf,” Peter Dinklage has no presence. But like everything else in this we’ll have to wait it out. 

-The Dothraki Wedding was the only memorable set peice. Everything else looks like it was shot in New Zealand in 1999.

Memorable Lines

-Winter is coming (which of yet has no meaning)

-I’d let 40,000 men and all thier horses fuck you to gain my throne

-Have you bled yet? 

Foreshadowing: Dragon eggs. 

Plot Holes: Who sent the letter? And why can’t they tell the king about a conspiracy? Seems like he would want to know. Disemboweling someone over the privilege of dry humping a girl in leather pants seems, even in a staged environment, a bit far fetched for me. If it’s going to cost you your life, at least achieve penetration.

“There is no word for thank you in Dothraki.” It seems patently absurd not to thank Emilia Clarke for the mind bending nudity she’s performing in this series. It reminded me of the opening of Carrie. We can laugh about it, talk about it, even jerk off to it. But as an actor, this had to be some of the most difficult work she’s ever had to do. I feel bad for her because it seemed so unnecessary. The sunset rape scene was upsetting. The overbearing masculinity and misogyny is upsetting, and that’s coming from a guy. It doesn’t seem to be a commentary on jingoism, it just seems to be “this is how things have always been, and this is how things will always be.” First grade philosophical bullshit disproved by Shakespeare four hundred years ago. 

Season One Episode Two

I understand this is shot and cast in Britain, but sinse this is a fantasy, it seems we are not bound by historical authenticy like, say, the Mary Queen of Scotts movie which was such a fucking catastophe last year. What I’m getting to is… where are all the minorities? All across the Narrow Sea, I take it. In what looks like a poor substitution for Africa which turns out to look like the Steppes. There’s a confusing cross-othering going on, and the dark Mongols are bearing the brunt of a real Asian society: dark, immoral, sexually threatening to the little innocent white girl. We’ve been spending the last forty years in Hollywood trying to get rid of this bullshit. It’s disappointing thinking that it’s alive in well in the UK, where Harry Potter has been struggling against it for eight films. Other than this, the episode is pretty unremarkable. There is the obligatory nude scene with Emilia Clarke, and lots and lots of talking. Sean Bean broods. The cast is already so large it’s hard to keep up with characters. It’s worse than Downton Abbey.

Season One Episode Three

I somehow made it to this in one day. Costume design ticks up since we’re at King’s Landing. Fifteen minutes to tits. Lena Headey really comes out as the villain. The King has a long monologue about his first kill that is boring and pointless. There’s a chance it’ll come up again, but I doubt it. The entire episode I’m wondering why the fuck the Imp is in Castle Black. Or Jon Snow for that matter. Fifty minutes into Episode Three is the first time Jason Momoa speaks. This is directly related to his physical appearance.

Season One Episode Four:

In the most insane plotline yet, Jon Snow chooses to protect a weakling in order to prove his humanity, apparently to no one, since no one significant sides with him. I know this is fantasy, but humanity didn’t really come into play in the medieval world. In fact, humanity doesn’t really come into play now. Just look at our President. Dany slaps her brother in the face with a gold necklace, cutting his cheek. This is significant because he is the king in exile of the Iron Throne and has never been struck before. In one of the most embarrassing edit choices to date, her brother’s reaction is not recorded, destroying the momentum of the scene, or the emotional impact of a woman standing up for herself. He was, effectively, physically abusing a pregnant woman.

Notes

-12.34 to the first nude scene. An early record breaker.

-Foreshadowing: Dragon eggs near the Iron throne!

-Jon Snow is a virgin. Right. And he wants to fuck his sister, Sophie Turner. That's the first thing that's made sense in this show so far.

-It would help the story if after two episodes of describing how expensive the games are and how they are going to break the kingdom’s purse if the games that were shot looking anything as expensive as described. Instead, it looked a quarter of the cost of production value of The Knight’s Tale, a film that came out ten years before this episode. 

-Tyrion is in deep shit, but we all know he’ll get out because this is only episode three and he’s a smart lad. 

Season One: Episode Five:

14 Minutes, 15 seconds to the first nude scene. Despite this, a completely uninteresting episode.

Season One: Episode Six:

There is a very impressive camera move around the Dothraki in which Daenaris’ face is covered in blood. However, she is acting in ecstasy, making me think the blood is a metaphor for a different body fluid. There is a much more impressive gold crowning scene, which, despite the super fast smelting of gold, is somewhat accurate. The Persians did this to the Romans on several occasions. That was pretty cool.

Season One: Episode Seven:

More impressive camera work and uninspiring plot which mimics the Anarchy of the 12th Century of England. By now I’m wondering if there are any black people in the United Kingdom, much less the Seven Kingdoms. It does not bode well for the production as this is a fantasy story. I know that it is shot in Northern Ireland, but if they can fly Sean Bean and Emelia Clarke in, why can’t they fly in a black actor? Ten minutes to the worse lesbian scene I have ever seen. To see it done right, watch either Bound or Blue is the Warmest Color. There was no point in the sex or counter balancing it to the speech. Shocking ending, as Ned Stark is betrayed by his wife’s would-be boyfriend. Unfortunately not enough people died in the coup, and that’s not very realistic. In every conceivable historical circumstance, Cersi’s head would be on a stake.

Season One: Episode Eight:

I spent the entire episode waiting for a battle that never happened. 

Season One: Episode Nine:

-Once again Danny’s face is sprayed with blood. Not cool.

-No one in wardrobe attempts to make her look pregnant, or the director didn’t think of it. Or maybe she’s just not pregnant and it’s all a lie, which is lazy storytelling. If you’re going to lie, let the audience know up front so we’re in on the secret. It makes things tense. 

-A fantastic fight sequence between Iain Glenn and a Dothraki Horse Lord winds up being the highlight of the episode. However, it becomes absurd when you realize there’s not a single other warrior outside the King’s tent. Only women are in the background. Meanwhile, in King’s Landing there's an army inside the palace. 

-Tyrion’s sudden coming-to shot was a direct lift from Gladiator.

-Joffrey’s cold bloodedness is a direct rip off the second season of Rome’s Augustus. However, since he is so young, I’m willing to bet he becomes another Caligula. 

-Killing Lord Stark was a huge political mistake considering the Lannisters were still at war.

Season One: Episode Ten

-For Christ’s sake, I thought Winter was coming ten episodes ago. 

-Ok. Fine. Emelia Clarke, whom I have not really cared for in this series (she’s better in Terminator Part 35 and Solo) has nice tits. I admit it. But that doesn’t mean they should be shoved in my face every other episode. 

-The dragon birth is well shot and executed, and would have more meaning if someone explained to us before now what that meaning was, or how it fucking happened. As it has happened, she might as well have put them in a microwave. 

-Sean Bean’s exit creates an existential crises for the series which I am guessing is going to take the rest of the show’s life to resolve. This will end in imperfect people doing imperfect things to make things right, and that’s fine, but that also means we are going to be gravely disappointed along the way. 

Season Two: Episode One

Caligula is in full throws. The only one with guts to stop him is the Imp. I can see this miles away. Everyone else seems pretty ambivalent. The King’s slut mom had decidedly fewer scruples or brains. That’s not true. Littlefinger, the financial advisor acting as the brothel owner is even dumber. He think’s he’s soooo smart now. But even if it’s the last episode, he’s going to get his. The dragon lady is still not impressive, and the blonde hair is now a needless distraction. When the King said you will never strike me again, that should have been followed by an ass-kicking. 

Season Two: Episode Two

-Lunacy runs amok. The bald Eunuch unzips his fly by letting Tyrion know his secret.

-The debauchery in this episode knows no bounds. I’m not offended by it, it’s just distracting. 

-Tyrion’s ousting of the Night Watchman is a deft move to gain a wise character sympathy. 

-There’s no way the illegitimate bastard of the King story line is going to pay off. I find it frustrating that we have to spend so much time on it. 

-Is there enough incest in this? And let’s just say you knew your brother by site but knew he didn’t know you, would you let him finger your pussy? And Theon’s sister is not exactly… made up.

-For the second time in two seasons, I’m left wondering why the fuck Jon Snow is in a certain place at a certain time. A little logic will be nice. 

-Infanticide is a steep crime, only to be referred to occasionally for dramatic purposes. But GOT does it twice in two episodes. Congratulations, you’ve disgusted me twice. 

-I’ve never, ever, met a woman who didn’t swallow the load in her mouth, or at least spit it out, before she left her sexual partner. I’ve never, ever, met a woman who was so careless as to walk around with a load dripping out of her mouth for someone else to clean up. And I’ve never, ever, met a woman who was okay in sharing that load with an unsuspecting partner. I know this is a whorehouse, but this is ludicrous as much as it is disgusting. If I wanted to see a snowball, I’d just turn on Porn Hub. 

Season Two: Episode Three

Cersei blaming Tyrion for killing her mother in childbirth is the biggest load of shit I’ve ever heard in my life. Citation of a real life circumstance please. This will serve for her motivation for a lot of the rest of the series, and will never make sense. 

-Natalie Dormer is a sight to behold. She is the most famous person to grace this series since Sean Bean. Therefore she must die, and most likely within the next two seasons.

-Tyrion’s vignette in which he tells his plan to three people using three different personages is the most impressive screenwriting yet. But that’s not saying much. He was knocked out so the producers wouldn’t have to pay for a battle scene. 

-So far the two dudes making out is the hottest sex scene so far. 

-The shot of Theon burning the letter is the most awesome so far. His baptism has the best music. It’s a truly touching scene. 

-The ending in which a man killed in battle is taken as the missing heir Gendry was famously used in Snatch, To Be Or Not To Be, and a hundred other comedies. Thus, I laughed my balls off here. 

-the dramatization of the murder of children is difficult to stage and harder to watch, especially when you are a parent. It has no place here. Although it was common in the Middle Ages, this is a fantasy and it is sick. I do not like it. 

Season Two, Episode Four

-I’m finally getting to like Robb Stark. Took long enough. 

-Classic Line: “There’s no cure for being a cunt.” No there is not. 

-Let me get this straight. Lord Bailish, who betrays Ned Stark and becomes the CFO of the Lannister Kingdom, walks into his widow's tent, and then is allowed to walk out? It doesn’t matter what lies he says. He’ll make one good hostage two good hostages (the Kingslayer too) and this better balance for Sansa, who the King does not care for. An idiot can see this, but apparently not a GOT fan. Or Sansa’s mother for fuck’s sake.

-Ned Stark’s daughter Arya, through a turn of events outside her control, winds up in the service of Charles Dance, the Lannister in command. This approaches not just the unlikely but the unbelievable. It’s on par with saying William Wallace fucked the Queen of England.

-The scene in which Tyrion turns an aide of Cersei against her is a rather good scene, but only the second one in the whole series, and not an original one at that. I remember a GI Joe comic in the 80s having the same turn. The only thing that’s original about it is that it’s on HBO and not in a theatre. 

-The birth of the Lord of Light, which is horribly conceived of as a shadow, was brave for the actress to do but still exploitive. 

Season Two Episode Five

-The assassination of Renly by a shadow was a quick, cheap way to not go through a three episode arc to resolve the civil war with Stannis, not to mention avoid a costly battle scene. It was a total cop out. If we don’t see the shadow again it will surprise me and mean it was a cheap thrill to resolve a plot the screenwriters didn’t feel they wanted to finish. Now if anyone is in the witch’s way, I expect her to birth a shadow on the double.

-The double oath between Lady Stark and Sir Brianne is set up to fail. Probably twice. Probably more. 

-For someone who is set up to be so smart and menacing, the Big Bad Lannister seems like he’s getting his ass whipped by a boy who we are constantly being informed is ill matched. This makes no sense. 

-Cersei is an idiot. I can’t believe the audience likes her. 

Season Two Episode Six

-What Theon is willing to do for a little respect is the most interesting story so far. And it’s just as predictable as the rest of the show. 

-What the fuck is Jon Snow doing again? Climbing a mountain to where and why?

-It’s nice to see another redhead on the screen. Unfortunately it comes at the price of making John Snow look like an idiot. Again. 

-For the record, Sophie Turner was 16 when they filmed this would-be gang-rape scene. Think of that what you will. 

-Emelia Clarke’s pacing back and forth in the Quarth courtyard is the worst blocking I have seen in a series that does not know what to do with her. Her movements are awkward and look uninspired. She needs a good director.

Season Two  Episode Seven

-The acting between Masie Williams and Charles Dance is the best professional acting so far. It’s a credit to them both, but mainly to Dance who looks like he truly enjoys working with a child. For her, it’s the opportunity of a lifetime. 

-I am completely uninterested in the dragon mother or her problems. 

-Rose Leslie, who plays Ygritte, is a strikingly beautiful woman who betrays my predilections for redheads. It is even more striking that she speaks like a potty mouth, which is how all guys talk when there are no women around. That’s all fine. Unfortunately her direction and the arc of her story is to demean Jon Snow for being a virgin, and we excuse this because she is his captive (one that he refused to fuck, marry, or kill). Whether this is Martin, or the screenwriters, this story arc sucks, and arcs like this are why incels exist. It’s the glorification of trolls. 

-Sansa’s post traumatic stress of almost being raped elicits the first drop of sympathy I have for any character in the film. And this is season two. 

-Cersei’s only purpose now is to upset the audience. Her character is incapable of anything more complex.

-FYI keeping a Lannister messenger and the Kingslayer in the same cage to exchange notes is the very essence of a bad idea, even in medieval society. We have now entered lazy screenwriting. Everyone who wrote it, who read it, and who put it on screen should be ashamed of themselves. 

-Cersei’s admission that she does not know the difference between strategy and tactics is the most telling line about her character. She plays chess because she knows the moves. But she does not know how to win. 

Season Two Episode Eight 

-This Episode is so boring, I feel it is laborious to write notes. 

-Why do people like Cersei? She’s a fucking idiot for threatening Tyrion’s (Wrong) whore. 

-I completely blanked when Robb is talking to the nurse. Isn’t this just a countdown to nudity? It’s lit like it. Oh look. It was. Isn’t there supposed to be a huge battle coming? We really don’t have time for this. 

Season Two: Episode Nine

-The wildfire attack on Stannis’ fleet was the second time in this show I said ‘that was cool.’  And that’s not good. This is the season finale. 

-Additional scenes of Cersei being a bitch is redundant and boring. 

-This isn’t the most boring battle scene I’ve seen. But it’s close. 

-The Hatchet man watching over the girls is literally the same shot six times. How uninspiring. It’s like watching Batman and Robin go up the steps to City hall episode after episode….

-Tyrion taking charge is the turn of the battle. It’d be nice if it were the turn of the series. 

-If the sewers gave the King’s Guard the way to the beach, why didn’t they give Stannis the way into the castle. It looked big enough to spot since it was big enough to well, sneak an army through. How does the former King’s brother not know of this chicanery?

-Wow. That lord of light really kicked ass. Maybe he should have fought during the day.  

Season Two: Episode Ten

-Oh is this the finale? Doesn’t seem like it. 

-Captain Barbossa’s crew showing up at the end was a real let down. 

Season Three: Episode One

-Behold, Emelia Clarke wearing clothes!

-This Episode is so boring I have nothing else to write. 

Season Three: Episode Two

-The addition of Ciran Hinds will not save this episode or this series. He’s on the way out anyway.

-When did this turn into Lord of the Rings? With Bran as the ring? And why do I get the feeling that if this is indeed a quest for him...that he’s going to wind up on top at the end? I mean, would that not be the only purpose he could possibly have? There is no other motivation.

-I was wondering why Arya didn’t ask Tywin or Joffrey as two of her kills. This seems a huge plot hole and having it addressed helps. But not that much. 

-This is the second boring episode in a row. 

Season Three: Episode Three

-I do not care that Jamie has lost his hand. I find it a fitting punishment, if not death, but the attempt to elicit sympathy for him is absolute bullshit, and I can’t believe that Brianne is falling for it. It’s a horrible development for a quote “strong female character” unquote.

-Sansa is just as stupid as she is beautiful.

-Tywin is the only person who understands his daughter. 

-Although Daenarys taking the Unsullied was the most predictable plot line yet, it played very well until she marched her army out of the city. She should have used the army to secure the city and kingdom as a power base from which to draw taxes and sustain a war effort. But alas, this is a TV show. Effectively I was waiting for this the whole episode, so that’s not good. 

Season Three: Episode Four

-Giving the Hound or the Mountain for that matter a trial by combat is the most idiotic idea I think I’ve seen in this show. No one, on having captured a great warrior like Achilles, would give him trial by combat. That would be like arresting Kasparov and saying he can go if only he can win this simple game of chess. The only reason this was allowed was to keep the House alive, negating the purpose of his capture to begin with.

-The flaming sword was a cool idea, and that’s this whole series. A bunch of cool ideas surrounded by complete idiocy. 

-I saw Ygritte throwing herself at Jon Snow a mile away. In fact, I was waiting for that the moment she showed up last season. That’s sad, isn’t it? The series took a fine actress and dangled her in front of me for a whole season, in your case probably 18 months, with the promise that you would see her naked some day. I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy it, but it is a fucked up way to write a TV show. 

Season Four: Episode Five

I don’t remember anything about this episode. 

Season Five: Episode Six

-I am extremely impressed by the backside of either Gwendoline Christie or most likely, her body double. However, it is still gratuitous. 

-“Winter could last five years?” Is their solar system fucked up or what? Again, no explanation. Remember that scene is Pitch Black when they discover the model of the solar system and how it functions...thus revealing the nature of the environment for the rest of the movie? That should have been done here.

-Jamie Lannister’s “true story” of how he killed the Mad King is interesting, but changes nothing. His actions since that day have only confirmed his true nature. It was only one act in a series of bad decisions. Look at it this way. Even Hitler loved kids. He loved dogs, too. He killed his own pup.

-Maybe it’s not, but I feel the double engagement at the end of this episode of Cersei and Tyrion is the first real “oh shit” surprise I have experienced this far. It also obviously puts Cersei and Tyrion together against their father which I can see a mile away. This reaches a double impact when you realize that Tyrion has to tell Sansa that his lover is Sansa’s handmaiden, and thus he is breaking bad news to two people. This resembles Republican Rome, when Marc Antony married Octavia, the sister of Octavian, to solidify the second triumvirate. This happened despite the well known fact that Antony was also the long time lover of Atia, Octavia’s mother. Ouch.

Season Three: Episode Seven

-The opening theme music is just now starting to catch on. It’s now very catchy. 

-Sansa losing her shit and finding out for the first time that she is just a foolish girl who thinks foolish thoughts is rich. It’s like Chelsea Clinton waking up and realizing her parents are just opportunists who want to take advantage of the American Dream by fleecing America as much as they can. Oh, wait, no, scratch that. But if Chelsea did wake up with a conscience, it would be kind of like Sansa coming to the realization that she is a spoiled little brat. Having said that, Littlefinger would have sold her to sexual slavery without any doubt. Advantage, Chelsea.

-”If you waste time trying to get people to love you, you’ll end up the most popular dead man in town.” Best line in a while. Very Machiavellian. 

-Ygritte’s fake swooning to Jon Snow making fun of girls like Sansa elicited the first form of what you would call laughter in this series. I know this is not a comedy, but that’s not good. 

-For all the bitching and complaining Lady Stark says about her family, she’s not too good at actually caring for them. Least of all Bran who hasn’t seen her in four seasons. 

Season Three: Episode Eight 

-When given the perfect opportunity to marry someone who doesn’t belong on a Paris runway to a Stark uncle, Martin or the screenwriters decide ‘why make a third tertiary character suffer? Give him a hot piece of ass.’

-You mean to tell me Jon Snow, the entire point of Bran’s journey, was less than a hundred meters away from Bran, and not only does his search party choose to not follow him, but to go the absolute opposite direction? This is changing the plot solely for the purpose of creating more plot. It made not sense onscreen.

-Daenarysis’, or however the fuck you spell her name, little boy toy is going to back fire on her. 

-The shocking conclusion of this episode, the murder of Robb Stark and his mother, is so drop jawing it boggles the imagination. The entire scene is a cross between the St. Bartholomew’s Day Massacre in France and the Manson Murders, complete with a Sharon Tate like execution. Although there were scenes that peaked my interest before, this scene was the only one so far that made me say “wait, what? What the fuck is going on?” And of course I missed all the cues. Robb’s wife nude in bed for five minutes of screen time so you could say “what a pity such a fine young woman is gone,” for one, Bran telling his younger brother out right “IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ROBB OR ME, YOU’RE THE HEIR OF WINTERFELL” an unsubtle second, and the red herring of Robb sharing strategy with his mother, the screenwriters knowing they were not to outlive the episode. It was a Kansas City Shuffle, Lucky Number Slevin Style, and was the first fight scene which I thought was shot reasonably well. There are several problems with exterminating the Starks as a force on Game of Thrones: 1) who to fill the power vacuum? Obviously someone will, there are four seasons left. What I mean is, who will take the moral high ground (stop laughing) now that Ned’s closest power keepers are gone? Just because someone is going to fill the vacuum, doesn’t mean they will be as compelling as a story. What I mean to say is, perhaps no one will rise to such a stature as Robb Stark. But then, we thought that of Ned, didn’t we? And knowing that Jon Snow is to die in the future due to the outrageous saturation of WHAT THE FUCK in social media at the time, I know for a fact that Bran and his brother are it. And kinder morder is a favorite pastime on this show. This matters greatly because the moral center gets people outraged and interested, but if there is no payoff, you run risks in alienating your audience. Robb was supposed to avenge Ned, and won’t. Jon, then, is to avenge Robb, but I know he won’t. So who will avenge Jon? Don’t sell me on fucking Bran. And the entire time, the dragon mother is, no pun intended, waiting in the wings, supposedly to take on the Lannisters in the last season, I’m guessing. But that does not avenge all the wrongs done to the Starks. So the moral center of the show is lost. And then there’s the obvious timing of the murder. This isn’t the last episode of the season. It’s the second to last. How the hell are they going to top that? Uhh, never?

Season Three: Episode Nine

-Theon says he wants to die then a scene from Roots plays out in which Ramsay teaches him his new name. If Theon really wanted to die, then he would have not learned his new name. Thus, this scene does not make sense. 

-Theon’s sister is cunt, has always been a cunt, just like her brother, just like her father. All the Greyjoys are cunts, as are all their soldiers. Do not ask me to feel sorry for Theon because another cunt cuts off his cock, or to feel excited when his cunt sister disobeys her cunt father to go save what’s left of him. I do not get excited about cunts cutting each other’s throats. It’s like Saddam vs. Hitler. I hope they top each other off. 

-It’d be nice if Arya grew up to avenge her family. 

-Lifting the Mother of Dragons on the shoulders of the free was a horrible and cheesy ending and in no way topped the Red Wedding. An extreme let down. It was meant to bring a little hope there would be justice to those wronged by the Lannisters. That may be, but the series should have ended on a down note and the cliffhanger of what was going to happen next rather than this shit. The most exciting thing about this episode was learning in the credits that it was shot on Todd-AO.

Season Four: Episode One

-Everyone is so myopic on this show it’s unreal. Just when I think Cersei’s the worst, someone like Sansa tops her. 

-The idea that the Hound can change into a good guy is as laughable as Edward Norton’s turn in American History X. 

-The turn of Arya Stark into a cold blooded murderer was as predictable as Jaime Lannister’s ‘good’ guy turn, only more interesting. 

Season Four: Episode Two

-Seriously, Tywin doesn’t notice his page is missing?

-The Lord of Light business is getting tiresome and the parallels to the use of fire as a purifier in the Middle Ages is uninspiring. The only interesting unfolding plot point on this show is how Stannis is going to stand up to Milisandra, if at all, and it might focus around his daughter. 

-The Five Kingdom dwarf dance was very well done, and the only thing bad about King Joffrey’s death was it was too quick. I was hoping it would have been more like Theon’s fate. 

-But both the poisoning and the blaming of Tyrion could be seen miles away, and Cersei’s reaction was so predictable as to be script joke worthy. The dram of poison is right out of Anglo-Saxon history, as King Harthacanute drank a cup of something, some say poison, at the wedding of one of his Lords, Tovi the Proud, and dropped dead during the reception. This paid the way for Edward the Confessor to reign for close to three decades. Something tells me Cersei’s other kid isn’t going to have that good of a chance. Kind of like the Princes in the Tower.

Season Four: Episode Three

-Cersei is now a ridiculous caricature of herself. 

-Jaime has proven that he has not changed. 

-Completely forgot that Cersei has two sons. Because it was unimportant until now. When he popped up I said “oh, how convenient.” Which is how people think of the Duke of York. 

-Tywin’s recitation of the history of the kings of Westeros is just as interesting as the history of England or Russia or Japan. I could listen to Charles Dance narrate an audio book instead of watching this dreadful series. 

-The sweet redhead I have a thing for lost all my empathy when she shot a boy’s father in the back of his head with an arrow. She’s a cunt and I don’t care who knows it. And if Jon Snow winds up fucking her again this show will suck that much more. Who wants to love a woman who murders children? Any hands? What about fucking one? Anyone masturbating to images of Casey Anthony? No? Then this is absurd.

-When the fuck did “the bastard” turn into “Lord Jon Snow?” And why? And how does that make sense?

-Nice Ziggurat. 

Season Four: Episode Four

-I am completely uninterested in anything Brianne does, especially for the sister raper. 

-Cersei is as blind as she is stupid. 

-By the time the human baby became an ice baby I was literally (not figuratively) falling asleep. 

Season Four: Episode Five

-The only thing interesting that happens in this episode is Jon Snow putting his sword through Crastor’s mouth backwards. The actor who plays Crastor was in Pacific Rim and was one of those guys in the background that made you think “well he got this gig because he was in a TV show” only I didn’t know what show it was. Well, I do now. Captain Brianne is another one of these people. 

-Of course Bran now hides from Jon whom he has been searching for all this time. Because plot. 

-I’d like to think of Sansa as a virgin but somehow I just don’t think so. 

-This episode largely sucks, and must be the bottom five so far.

Season Four: Episode Six

-I simply do not understand the unfolding story. Robert Baratheon was way in debt. He was borrowing money from the Iron Bank, which did not appear until three seasons after his death. Why didn’t he just get money from his wife? Wasn’t she “as rich as a Lannister?” Maybe Tywin wouldn’t give it to him. In which case it begs the question, why did Robert marry Cersei then? Because in the first season, this was generally the point. The story is changing under our feet for the purposes of creating another season. 

-To make it worse, Stannis now has to go to the same Iron Bank, so this makes it look like opportunism. And the idea of trusting anyone who takes a smuggler as his second in command is laughable. What bank would loan money to the rebellion of Princess Leia walked in with Han Solo at her side? She would have the goddamn notion to leave him in the Falcon. 

-Theon’s sister gives a pot boiler of a speech before taking Theon back. She gives more of a shit about her penisless brother when he lost his penis than when he had one. It’s like she laments not getting it. It would serve the story if she had a regret monologue. But instead, we’re led to believe she all of a sudden gives two shits about him, which she never did before. So I don’t believe this story line either. 

-The first thing Theon’s sister should have done is kill the fucking dogs. As a clandestine invasion it only makes sense. So the end of this scene is idiotic. 

-Theon’s tub scene is the most homo erotic scene since the end of The Return of the King. 

Season Four: Episode Seven

-I still do not give a shit about Denarys or however you spell her name. But at least she’s finally getting laid after three seasons. 

-“Will be your champion.” Is perhaps the most corny and over dramatic line yet delivered, complete with the son of Dorne holding a torch. 

-Lysa through the Moon Door was the most predictable event in the series. 

Season Four: Episode Eight 

-Ygritte continues to dodge my sympathy. Just because she refuses to kill an infant doesn’t mean she’s a good person. She’s already done it.

-The Dragon Queen’s most trusted advisor is a spy for Robert Baratheon… the most obvious answer ever as he was the only other person around her since episode one. The real shock was Khaleesi not forgiving him. That’s a personality change on her part. 

-100,000 wildlings is pretty funny considering you only see at most ten warriors. 

-Ramsay’s promotion to a Lord is simply amazing in its cinematic style. It reminded me of The Outlaw King, which is VASTLY better than this pile of shit.

-Lord Baelish is a huge creep. And he gets slimier with every episode. 

-Just a heads up. The overconfidence that starts fights in cinema always lose. Tyrion won’t die though. At least, not yet. 

Season Four: Episode Nine

-I do not care about some girl and her baby walking through the wilderness any more than I care what Ygritte does with Jon Snow when she finally catches up to him. Because I already know what will happen to Jon Snow. 

-Aemon is a Targaryen, and I don’t care about that, either. 

-The Wildlings look like they are about 20 people maybe. I don’t know how they will take Castle Black, even if they only have 20 people themselves. 

-”Promise me you won’t die” is the most stupid line this episode. Maybe this season. 

-Ser Alliser takes a step forward after conversing with Jon Snow. It’s a quick cut but I imagine they filmed an exit and a step back or a shrug. But they chose the step forward for a reason. And I can’t figure it out. But it does convey the large scale of this production and the time pressures this show is on when it comes to coverage and editing choices. The fact that I have to think about that means this episode is a failure. 

-Wooly mammoths? Okay. We have dragons, so why not wooly mammoths. But giants riding the wooly mammoths? Well, okay. We have dark gods birthed from women so ok. I guess.,

-The geography is totally fucked up here. Who is attacking on what side of the wall? It is totally confusing.

-The giant’s ballista is pretty cool. 

-The fight scenes in this episode are pretty good, especially for a fantasy. Ygritte’s bow scenes are reminiscent of Barry Pepper in Saving Private Ryan i.e. the calm and cool intellect under fire. The various fights coordinated and cross cut are very well done. I recently saw The King on Netflix which depicts the Battle of Agincourt. That particular film is more realistic in terms of a real medieval battle. It takes a lot of physical exertion to take another life. It’s exhausting, and you see that in that particular scene. There is none of that in this but the purpose of Game of Thrones is different. Thus this is more fitting.  

-Not collapsing the tunnel was a huge mistake. Very stupid. Even the Brits and the Germans were blowing bridges as they went back and forth over rivers and canals. 

-Absolutely stunning camera move across the fight in the inner keep. Very well done and very cool. Worthy of any similar genre film or scene such as The Outlaw King or what have you. It totally makes the episode worth watching, and conveys that perhaps the problem with Game of Thrones isn’t the story but the story telling. 

-Jon’s fight with the giant was well choreographed and awesome. 

-Ygritte was never going to kill Jon, not that it matters because he was going to die anyway. And the minute the fat one told Olly to fight, I knew she was dead because we couldn’t be mad at a child. I will miss this actress in the show even though I detested her character. Her mentioning the Cave was a rare sentimental moment in the film that shows that amidst all this chaos humans are still humans. 

Season Four: Episode Ten

-Were you surprised when Stannis showed up north? I was. I don’t know why but I was. And why exactly is he here? Riddle me that.

-The confrontation between Cersei and her father ends unresolved. I did not know how it ended. This in storytelling terms is what we call ‘bad writing.’

-I am endlessly tired of seeing Dany in the throne room endlessly talking to endless individuals with seemingly nothing going on. 

-Hodor

-The Pirates of the Caribbean fight in the snow was actually very good until a new character shows up to save Bran like Super Mario throwing fireballs at Koopa Troopers. This Hand of God introduction really saps the purpose of whoever the hell this new girl is or what she is supposed to introduce. 

-If the Hound is indeed dead, then great. If not, then I don’t want to see him again. Enough of the cheesy comebacks. 

-Shae’s betrayal was as hurtful as it was shocking. Tyrion doesn’t deserve most things happening to him, but especially killing someone he loved. 

-I totally did not see Tyrion killing Tywin, although I greatly enjoyed it and thought Charles Dance performed a great service to both the series and the season finale. I was thinking that Jamie betrayed Tyrion for his sister, but that wound up not being the case. I also thought that perhaps Varys would betray Tyrion once he heard the bells, but that also was not the case. There’s so much betrayal going on that it’s hard to find honesty. The only people acting honestly is Tyrion. Even Arya is getting flippant. 

-The ending with Arya sailing off to the theme was emotional and fitting. The end of the episode absolutely turned around a bad start. 

Season Five: Episode One

-I’m halfway through this episode and have nothing interesting to say. 

-I’m done with this episode and I have nothing interesting to say. 

Season Five: Episode Two

-I must say now in retrospect how fucking stupid Brianne of Tarth is to let Arya go. In plot. In person. Littlefinger is right. Brianne is an incompetent failure. 

-Dorne looks like every other place, just darker. The Water Gardens are just the Hanging Gardens of Babylon. This does not interest me at all. 

-Jon Snow becoming the Commander of the Night’s Watch is the worst idea ever. This will end badly. 

Season Five: Episode Three 

-Littlefinger is a character of opportunity. As such he has no real purpose other than to move the plot. There is no discernible reason for him to avenge the Starks.  This is the cable equivalent of unzipping the screenwriter’s fly. 

-It must be terribly difficult for Jon Snow to turn down his father’s position. But then, it doesn’t matter, does it?

-Sansa marrying the son of her father’s murderer is as stupid as it is repulsive. Find another historical circumstance that mirrors this. There isn’t one. It is meant to enrage us and rape her. Completely avoidable circumstance that is essentially emotional blackmail. 

-The copying of European cities in the geography is impressive. Dorne is Florence. King’s Landing as Contanstinople. Wherever the fuck Arya is as Venice mixed with Rhodes (complete with a colossus).

Season Five:Episode Four

-it is stellar to see Jonathan Price in anything. He’s amazing. 

-How does Cersei think that trusting Jihadis is a good idea. It’s never worked out for anyone. That will end badly, like everything else she does. It’s sad that Cersei is playing with her son in such a way. It goes against the entire storyline so far where she is used to putting her children first. 

-I would call this Lord of Light bitch a slut, but I don’t believe in slut shaming and I actually don’t think she’s a slut… in fact, I think she gives sluts a bad name. They just want to fuck, and who can blame them for that. But this bitch is evil. Everything she fucks is marked for death. She should star in Liquid Sky. 

-Snow is an idiot for asking Winterfell for Troops. Bolton will slip in a spy to kill him. And if he doesn’t, the screenwriters are bigger idiots. 

-Now is a late time to say the Sellsword is my favorite character. In fact, he’s the only character I liked. Well, I kind of like the bobbed headed daughter of Dorne, but she’s not long for this world. Because the minute you like something in this show, it’s dead. I think I said the same about Iain Glenn.  

-Wormwood’s fight with Ser Bannister or Ser Barrister or whoever the fuck was really cool. The best since the finale in Castle Black last season. How convenient that he’s dead while Jordan is on his way to Dany with a present. Now that is opportunism. 

Season Five: Episode Five

-Oh, was I supposed to pay attention?

-Snow’s idea to make peace with the Wildlings is a brilliant parallel to the Irish Troubles. As such, he’ll wind up like Yitzak Rabin. 

-This Myranda chick is bad news for Sana’a. 

-Sansa suddenly has cleavage. 

-why is Stannis all of a sudden conveyed as the good guy? And why don’t the Bolton’s just side with him?

-I wish Tyrion would have just drowned. But I knew it was not to be. He and Jon Snow are the only moral centers of the show. So they both have to be either killed or sidelined.

-Greyscale, if you didn’t know, is leprosy. It’s why people shun Stannis’ daughter. 

Season Five: Episode Six

-I started watching this sleeping.

-”We take the Dwarf to see the cock merchant,” is the line of the episode. 

-I truly don’t know what Lord Baelish is up to in telling Cersei he’ll kill Sansa, whom he just married to the killer of her father. This is truly one of the most successful elements of the show. 

-Cersei is pretty good at eliminating her near rivals in the short term but she’s fucking horrible at understanding the End Game. She fucked up being the Regent before. She’ll fuck this up, too. 

-Sansa Stark in the bath is the most alluring thing about this episode.

-The Wedding ceremony looks like it is for execution.

-Sansa’s rape was as unnecessary as it was predictable. Theon’s betrayal of Ramsay would have been the way to take this already dark and sour show. It’s like watching the first four episodes of Battlestar Galactica. It’s all a downward spiral. 

Season Five: Episode Seven

-Sam and Wildling sex is far too much, even for this series.I hope Sam dies.

-The Occupy King’s Landing plot line is boring, idiotic, and disgusting. 

-Cersei’s daughter in Dorne states that her mother sent her to Dorne to be married and it is unfair that now she has to go back. This is in direct contradiction to what we know, which is that Tyrion sent her to be married for alliance and for safety.

-The tit show in the cell with the sellsword was not just gratuitous, but unnecessary. The scene did not add anything to the series, the episode, or the story.

-I thought the gladiator pits were some sacred ritual akin to the importance of Shinto in Sumo. Thus I was expecting a Ridley Scott like ring, or at least a set that was something like the rest of the sets in this episode. Instead, this is a disappointing rally point. 

-I must say Emilia Clarke in the white dress is jaw dropping, much like Carrie Fisher in Star Wars.

-Cersei’s plan is going to backfire bad, very bad, and after her walk of shame I’m sure a dagger awaits. Queens don’t matter. The Hand does not matter. The Regency does not matter. Nothing matters in the face of fatacism or Jihad. This is a simple truth of the world we live in. Cersei’s incarceration is a great fictional conveyance of this real life fact. 

-How Joran and Tyrion are going to help Dany, I’ve no idea.

Season Five: Episode Eight

-Did I mention it was great to see Iain Glenn again? Goodbye, Iain.

-Masie Williams hairstyle is utterly amazing in the seaside scene. 

-It has occured to me that I don't quite understand how Jonathan Pryce got to be the head of the Faith. He dresses in rags and yet he controls the Sept of the city. How did this happen? When we first met him he was washing feet in the fountains of the poor neighborhood. No episode or flashback or story or explanation as to how all of a sudden he is powerful enough to throw a queen and the queen mother (and de facto the Hand of the King) into a horrible jail cell. 

-Belief is the death of reason. The greatest quote of this episode and of this season. Possibly of the century.

-The first scene between Dany and Tyrion is absurd and disgusting.

-Snow crossing whatever he is crossing looks a lot like Washington crossing the Delaware. It’s meant to be. I daresay he’s not a Washington, though. 

-Kit Harrington’s cape is saturated in mud when he gets out of the boat and onto the beach because it has taken ten takes of him doing so. 

-Jon Snow shouts “Nights’ Watch,  with me, let’s go!” Then he disappears and this shot is followed by a shot of the boats retreating out of the water. A poor editing choice. 

-In a real sense, the invasion of the White Stalkers is something that we’ve been waiting for since the final scene of the first episode. Winter is finally here and the stalkers are finally attacking. Unfortunately, it’s too little too late. I’ve been waiting so long for this scene that it now has no value. 

-Ice people can walk through fire? That seems unlikely. 

-The Dragon Glass is perhaps the first thing Jon Snow should have thought of, not the last. Pity the fat idiot who found the huge cache of it didn’t take everything he found. 

-Jon’s sword is Dragon Glass? Did I miss something? How convenient. 

-I knew the minute a great female character showed her face she was dead meat. Because that’s what this show does. It kills women or turns them into whores, or both. Don’t point to Danys and say ‘see’ when she is literally the ONLY example.

-The fearless Knight’s Watch who stares at the mountain of Winter people and says “FUCK THIS!” is my only hero in this very well shot battle. It reminds me of James Woods walking into the reenactment of the Exorcist in Scary Movie and says the same when he sees Legion. 

-The last shot does remind me a lot of the King of Jodenheim. I do appreciate all the Nordic visual queues. It does look like a Viking’s worst nightmare. 

Season Five: Episode Nine

-Bronn and Joran are the only reasons why I continue to watch. 

-Mycroft Homles showing up as the representative of the Iron Bank in Braavos is proof Britain is running out of famous actors to put in this show. James McAvoy will be next. 

-Murdering a child never goes very far with me. It’s nearly always handled wrong, and it’s handled wrong here. Shireen’s mother chooses to care about her daughter on her daughter’s last day on earth? Any motive? None. Move along. 

-The Ridley Scott gladiator fight that I said was lacking in the last episode is here and back for vengeance. Very impressive. Very late. 

-Another great line: “My father would have liked you.”

-The banter between the king-to-be and Tyrion about what is right and why is probably the best exchange written for this show. And I waited five seasons for it. 

-The Spartan jump-kill in the arena is more than just cool. It is actually technically and historically correct. I cite Thucydides. 

-The uprising in the arena was simply amazing to watch. First, there is the tribute to Spartacus when Joran threw his spear into the crowd. Then there was the dire flight into the arena and across the floor. There was a real sense of danger and peril that had not existed before. I really thought maybe Dany wasn’t going to make it out alive. Then the dragon shows up, in the worst cgi shot in the show, flying around the arena. This was coupled with not a minute later with the coolest shot of the show, which was Drogon torching the shit out of the gold masks and watching them toast. So the best and the worst shot in terms of visual effects was in the same scene. 

Season Five: Episode Ten

-I’m very happy that the killing of a child has such horrible consequences.  But I won’t be satisfied until Melisandre is dead too. 

-If you think Masie Williams is a great actor now, wait until you see her in ten years. 

-Line: “You want the good girl, but you need the bad pussy.” This is now the best line of the show.

-How exactly did Dany come down a mountain and miss a valley full of horny men on horseback?

-Cersei’s walk of atonement might be a natural development from the literary point of view. The character is needed for future story and the readers who come to hate her feel gratitude at her debasement. This is natural human schadenfreude and although it is despicable, it is rare to find a human being that doesn’t have it. I saw the walk of atonement out of context when I read a story about the trouble shooting the scene on Dark Horizons then watched it several months later with my wife. I saw nothing before or after. All I could think about was poor Lena Headey who had to endure all of that. It would be one thing if it were a one shot that lasted several minutes and be done with it but as this is an extended sequence of several scenes, I gather it took days for the crew to shoot and thus days for Headey to walk naked and have shit thrown at her over and over and over again take after take. It’s not done bad. In fact, it’s a very well done sequence, and that’s what I have a problem with. I don’t know if Headey has said anything about it, but it doesn’t really matter. This scene is sick and disgusting, and continues the age-long process of castigating powerful women. Cersei is, in fact, the only woman of power in the show, so she must pay. There are several shots of Headey’s vulva, and quite frankly I didn’t see the point. There were other ways to shoot this. There were other ways to ignore it. But the writers and the producers were so entranced by the idea of putting a woman in the gutter, they just couldn’t do it any other way. So forever, Headey will be on pornhub in slow motion. I hope she got paid triple. And I hope her abusers never work again.

-It’ll be interesting to see Jon Snow pull a lazarus out of this bullshit. And bullshit it truly is. Snow represents the only extension of the Starks that’s still standing and fighting for something. Arya and Sansa are tainted. Bran has gone off to dance with unicorns, Robb and his mom are dead. Jon’s death isn’t just the end of the season, it’s one more step of the story getting farther and farther away from a moral center. Because you can’t get away from this show, I know he returns, and I know Dany takes King’s Landing. So no matter what, this show is going to suck, because one by one it took the hope of the Starks away. Not because they deserve to be on the throne, because clearly they are not evil enough (yes, Dany is evil, mark my words she will show her true colors before this show is over) but because they deserve at the very least to survive. And that is as the story takes decency. Decency the writers, nor the producers, nor Martin has.

Season Six: Episode One

-If John Snow rises from the dead, I will be very disappointed in Martin and the screenwriters. 

-Ramsay has overplayed his deviency with Sansa and is now in trouble. In fact, this is not how real life is. The devients get away with murder. If Ramsay is punished for what he did to Sansa, I will be very disappointed in Martin and the screenwriters. 

-Tarth getting knocked off her horse was pretty awesome. I wish someone would kill her. 

-Tarth’s squire against a knight? No contest. 

-So Theon’s entire existence is to save Sansa five seasons later? It makes for good storytelling but it is surrounded by such horrible plots it no longer has meaning. 

-But I bet Sansa feels like an idiot turning Tarth away last season. This Motley Crue will not go far. Or rather, they shouldn’t. 

-King’s Landing gets more impressive with every season. The artwork and the cgi is impressive. 

-So what you’re saying is if Cersei left her daughter in Dorne, she’d be fine? So like everything else in her life, Cersei manages to fuck everything up more horribly than before. She is more in need of her corrupt father and deviant brother than ever before. However, I cannot help but think this is a very convenient way to eliminate a character no one knew about or cared about until midway through the last season. Since there was no investment, and moving her into Cersei’s fateful circle would have been horribly bad for the part and role, she was eliminated early on. We’ll forget about her by the time this episode is over. 

-Jonathan Pryce is a master, and he does nothing but elevate every scene he is in from shit to art.

-Dorne is a great stand in for Palmyra, or Babylon. Obviously the Gardens are a take from it.

-This whole High Valyrian idea is bullshit.

-It seems highly unlikely that Joran would find Dany’s ring in a field of grass. When I was seven I had a tooth knocked right the fuck out of my head by a cousin with a two by four. It went into the grass. Never saw it again. 

-The idiots asking if Dany’s pussy hair is white do not have the two pebbles to think to look at her eyebrows, which are distracting and unnecessary, just like this comment. 

Season Six: Episode Two

-It does not bode well that Kit Harrington’s name is still in the credits. 

-Bran got puberty.

-Don’t ever piss alone.

-Cersei does not act like a mother who loves her only child left. 

-What idiot trusted Ramsay at any time in this series? Oh, the dead ones. The actor who plays Ramsay, however….brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. 

Season Six: Episode Three

-There’s too much going on here to process or to keep up with while writing. For the first time, I’ve had to pause the Blu-Ray player so I can type. That in of itself should tell you how bad a series this is. I should be pausing three or four times an episode. Instead, this is the first and probably the last time. 

-I don’t care how popular Jon Snow is. To bring him back is lazy and opportunistic screenwriting, no matter how ‘well done.’ His resurrection is completely unexplained and inexplicable. It makes no sense unless you remember the horrendous reaction the fanbase had when he was killed. And why was that reaction so? It’s not because Snow is a likeable Kit in a Candy body. It was because he was the last surviving son of Sean who was of age. If Robb had not been killed off so ugily early, we would not give two shits about Snow at all. But because Robb is gone, taking Snow off the Game board so to speak is even more hurtful. This goes back to my original argument, which is they never should have gotten rid of Robb, unless of course you did it midway through the last season and had Sansa take the throne at the last minute. I’m still holding out for that, which is hideously stupid, but we’ll see. 

-Holy shit. Bran must have Hulk Hogan’s testosterone levels. And his voice...wow. 

-The five way two-sword fight was an amazingly well choreographed fight.

-Max Von Sydow pulling Bran out of the dream of the fight to teach him a lesson was a cheap and frustrating way to delay the inevitable revelation simply for the sake of extending the General Hospital like drama that’s going on in this horrid series. By this late in the game, they’re not even trying to hide it. It’s also not couched in reason. For example, when Dumbledore is in a similar situation with Harry Potter in the Half Blood Prince reliving someone else’s memories of Tom Riddle, the memory only stops because they have no more to go on. In this case it stops because it stops. Because the screenwriters need you to see something else for at least twenty minutes. 

-The Small Council walking out on the Bitch and her brother was the smartest thing I’ve seen the Small Council do since Stark was the Hand. Too bad they’re took weak to do anything about it. 

-I think I’ve written this before, but Jonathan Pryce is a master actor who slays all before him on this program. And I’d like to reiterate that the acting in this show is outstanding. It’s the narrative that I just can’t stand. 

-In ten years, Masie Williams is going to win an Oscar for something fantastic. I just hope she doesn’t have to strip for it. 

-The psychopath training Arya deserves her own Red Sparrow like episode, as this storyline is very Patty Hearsty crossed with Black Widow. 

-Leaving Castle Black was the smartest thing Snow has done in this entire series. Since he showed up there it’s been one giant shitshow after another, and quire frankly I think it took him way too fucking long, like five seasons, to figure out that he’s just not cut out for the Black Watch.

Season Six: Episode Four

-Suddenly, Joran, the greatest fighter in Westeros, is now a shitty fighter? I knew he was going to escape the fight with the Khal, so it seemed pointless that he lost. 

-I’ve seen Natalie Dormer in many things, but the scene of Margeary trying to comfort her brother in the Sparrow’s jail shows her amazing talent. 

-Theon Greyjoy, who I recently saw in Jojo Rabbit (Woo-hoo, Captain K!) has shown more chops with Sam Rockwell than in this entire series. 

-I knew Ramsay was going to Kill Rickon’s maid because the camera kept lingering on her staring at the knife. Staring at any object in Ramsay’s presence means you’re next. This is very upsetting because it is, yet again, another dead female. Distressing.

-The burning of the Dosh Khaleen is quite possibly the most stupid scene shot in this series. I don’t mean the purpose, meaning, or direction, but rather how the burning of the room is shot. However, Emilia Clarke emerging nude from the fire was more impressive than her emerging from the rock with the baby dragons. 

Season Six: Episode Five

-Oh, look, here’s a dream from the tree that will delay us one more episode from the truth of the dream.

-Why are the Greyjoys having a mass meeting to choose their king on the edge of a windy and rainy cliff? Was the open hearth booked with a Bat Mitzvah?

-Dany seems to think that Joran has saved her life twice. This is incorrect. The coup of the Khals could have entirely happened without Joran and Dany’s boy toy. 

-What the fuck does Bran eat in this cave? Tree food?

-The Hodor Loop was well done but unfortunately means that for five seasons we’ve been waiting for this one moment, and ultimately he served no other purpose.

-The stage play resembling Shakespeare which recounts the Baratheon family dynasty is a fun and engaging account of the last five seasons. In fact, I’d prefer watching that.

-The finery and spectacle on display at the confrontation at the Sept was a dazzling display that was very reminiscent of the Golden Age of Hollywood Sword and Sandal epics. Well done. Unfortunately, it left a lot of loose ends. 

-Although it is rather weary sitting through everyone’s naming period (King Tommen, First of His Name, etc.etc.), it is not any different than the real nobility of the Middle Ages or even the modern day descendants of that aristocracy. Read the first paragraph of the Magna Carta. It’s effectively all of King John’s name and all of his titles.

-Fuck, that dragon is huge.

Season Six: Episode Six

-Two huge ‘surprises’ in the pre credit sequence. 1) Ian McShane will be joining the show. I’m being sarcastic because if you know Ian McShane, he’s in fucking every show made in Britian the past twenty years, or at least the ones exported to the States. 2) the Hound is alive. I’m being sarcastic because since we did not see him die, then we knew he was coming back. More confounding is why he did not continue his life as a sellsword.

-It’s great to have a Bond Girl tell off Cersei. And the fact that it is true is all the more pleasant. 

-So Jaime is heading north with an army, Snow is heading South, and Ramsay is in between. Can I guess what is going to happen next in terms of big battles? And will Dany come to Westeros with her cross bred army in time? I’m guessing not. I’m guessing with two seasons left, she’s going to go right to King’s Landing like Stannis did. 

-The drawbridge set at Riverrun is really impressive. It is Lord of the Ring-style good. 

-The Hound cleans up good, and the full beard is better than the rats nest of yore.

-If Arya does not bleed out and die, then the series reaches a new low. Do not stab a little girl four times in the gut and then magically save her life. It’s opportunistic. 

-The Hound couldn’t hear the My Lai going on in the valley behind him? Come on. Bullshit.

-Was totally not expecting Ian Shane to get hung. I thought he’d be around at least the rest of the season and then be sacrificed in the finale. So I was finally taken by surprise here.

Season Six: Episode Seven

-Very disappointed that Arya just had a flesh wound. Laughable.They might as well just nicked her on the shoulder. 

-The night camp shoot at River Run was astoundingly well done. The scope of the project was amazing, again like Lord of the Rings or near it. It could be the entire show is upping in production value due to the millions of new HBO subscribers. 

-Jamie and Brianne’s unrequited love is disgusting.

-The naval Siege of Mareen has several shots that calls back to the reimagining of Hollywood Epics of twenty years ago - Films like Troy and Gladiator. Well done.

-Clegane is finally getting a character. After seasons of ‘just kill it’ the Hound’s performance is finally more nuanced and aiming. It’s more preferable. They should have done it years ago.

-I was convinced that Arya’s idiotic survival justified her dying in the next scene. Her flight from her killer further convinced me that her death was justified and I wasn’t going to weep for her. Considering how this series treats Starks, I was prepared for her death, but knew the series would save her. Only Stark Minors survive in this show as if they are special or something. At the same time, I thought her survival was stupid, and as she got to her feet and got her sword, I thought ‘Jesus, really?” And then she cut out the candle and it all became okay. Because the scene was written well, with a clever concept, and shot well, even though i was predisposed to detest her survival, I accepted it, because the narrative was conveyed in a brilliant manner. If the Show had done this from the get-go, I’d be less critical of it. Now onto the drivel.

Season Six: Episode Eight

-In a remarkable turn of the hand, the lifting of the Siege of Mereen was an amazing juggernaut of a sequence that excelled all scenes of an ‘epic’ nature before it. Teamed with great editing and a fantastic score, the scene conveyed for the first time in the series the majesty and power of Dany’s character. Too little, too late for me, but impressive nonetheless. 

-The dramatic difference between Snow’s army and Ramsey’s army is not without representation. Snow represents the almost aboriginal, with Wildlings as stand-ins. Ramsay’s foot soldiers are wearing helmets reminiscent of the Reconquista and the recycled armor used in the Columbian conquest of America. He is a Spanierd, with his own moralistic inquisition. He’s worse than a Sadist. He’s a Fascist, which amounts to much the same thing.

-The battlefield murder of Rickon is as predictable as it is stupid, the outcome of the battle never in doubt.The running speed of the Wildlings across the battlefield is equally idiotic. Caesar's Gallic History if full of half pace and full paced marches, the well-thought out and contemplated in the fog of war type of decision making that had to happen in order for the better general to win a battle. In this act alone, Snow and his idiot officers only show that from the get-go, they should have just listened to Sansa and her warnings about Ramsay. The ignorance of Snow’s decision to not listen to his sister coupled with the previous scene in which Dany and Theon’s sister pary about women making better rulers than men make this a very determined pro-femme episode, that is if you ignore Cersei in total. The slaughter of the battle, horrifyingly real, is so bloody it cannot be contemplated. It is probably more accurate than not. It reminds me of Agincourt in particular, and it has several shot montages that are far superior than any sword and sandal epic and much better than Braveheart in particular, which is laughable now though I once lauded it. The way the dead were piled up and the living were butchering each other on top of the piles, actually happened during several battles in the Ancient World, including the Battle of Cannae in which forty thousand plus Romans were slaughtered on top of their previously fallen comrades. Throughout France and Africa, Caesar and his Imperial descendants had to just light the piles on fire instead of burying them in mass graves because there simply was no way to take care of the bodies. Hattin after 1187 was full of sun bleached bones of dead Christians for years were Birds of Prey and errant farm animals scoured dried flesh for survival. I imagine this battlefield will be much the same.

-The double envelopment using the phalanx was an effective fighting formation during the Greek suppression of the Ancient World. It was so effective Alexander used it to form the Hellanistic world and the Romans had no use against it. 

-When I say the battle was never in doubt, I wasn’t being snarky or optimistic. I meant to say that the arrival of Bailish’s Lakemen was in the offing for several episodes, and once again shows the theme of gender equality the show is trying to establish.I was expecting either the Lake or the River Run to show up like Pompey did on the last hour of the Battle of Brindisi where he at the last minute helped Crassus push Spartacus into history. There are several real accounts like that. The Battle of Waterloo is another example.

-It was upsetting to see Ramsay so brutally murdered in the finale. Although we would like to see that happen and it did good to see Sansa not turn away from the horror but to enjoy it - when she finally turned, she smiled - it does nothing for her character of the now pro-woman arch of the movie to turn her into a Sadist like Ramsay. Sadists rarely meet an end they themselves oppress others with. They usually spend the rest of their lives in prison, or take cyanide pills in bunkers before shooting themselves in the head. Personally, it would have been better to flay Ramsay upside down, or have Sansa visit him once a day and skin just a little piece of him. That I could go with. 

Season Six: Episode Nine

-Cersei’s coup was the smartest thing she did in the entire season. However, you must forget six years of her horrible and detestable decisions in order to get to this one good decision she made. You are also unfortunately asked to forgive her for the coup and even side with her because at the other end is the nastiest representation of religion seen on cable in a while. 

-Likewise Tommen’s suicide was the smartest thing he ever did. 

-I know this is a reach, but perhaps Cersei should reflect on her actions and, I’m just saying, maybe perhaps if she JUST FUCKING DID WHAT STARK SAID, then she would be living a good life in the capital with all her children alive and happy and, most importantly, she would be free to fuck her brother forever. All it would have cost her was living with the fact that her brother-n-law was King. Instead, she dropped the only Game of Thrones line in the entire series and kicked off six years of utter shittiness, especially on herself. She is the most short sighted and least thinking person in this show. She is not a cunning woman. She’s a disgrace to womanhood. 

-One of the coolest things to see in terms of geography so far was the island where Arya studied Faces as a representation of Rhodes and the Colossus that supposedly stood at the entry of its port. Now the Fat Maester of the Black Watch is studying black magic at another port that is another rather awesome representation - that of Alexandria and it’s famous Phaeros. When this series started it relied on the opening credit sequence to convey the land. I’m guessing this was because of the budget restrictions. As the show gained momentum and thus more money from more viewers, it became more epic in scope, which was very good considering the scope of the series only broadened. 

-It’s amazing how the hearth of Winterfell looks EXACTLY like that dead fish place Theon is from. It’s just lit different.

-If Jon Snow marries Dany, I’m going to throw the fuck up.

-Arya’s revenge is sweet and appropriate, and we have been longing for it for three seasons. The series is beginning to turn here, when it is about to end. It has been so bleak for so long that it has colored the perception of what it could be. There has been no hope and no interest for years (even though I have watched this entire series in the span of three months, it feels like years in watching it for sure) and so hope is a very strange thing to come by. I hope it keeps up, but I don’t think so. I think the turn will be on a rocky road and lead to an unsatisfying destination. 

-Lady Mormont has a great point about the Lords who say they follow the Starks and cower in fear. However, her entire speech and the entire point of the show smacks of primogeniture and hereditary blueblood bullshit which I, as a red blooded American, hate with all seventeen hundred and seventy six of my hearts. Fuck the King, and all the Kings, and all the Queens, regardless of how hot they look emerging naked from a sea of fire. 

-With no Sept to crown Cersei, she has the Hand crown her. It’s like Napoleon taking the crown from the Pope and putting on his own head. Now she has what she wants, finally after all these years, and three dead kids to prove how she got there. If she really loved her kids, she would have given up the crown for them. Alas, she loves power more. 

-It just occurred to me that no matter what height he is, Tyrion is always at tit height.

Season Seven: Episode One:

-Arya’s Revenge of the Red Wedding is sweet. That is all.

-Cersei is still an idiot, and her brother is little better.

-Every time we return to the great library of Pharoes, I feel the life getting sucked out of me.

-Don’t tell me the library has a restricted section, like Harry Potter or Doctor Strange? What a highly original idea. Not.

-The only thing worse than a pissboy is a shitboy.

-Is that Ed fucking Sheeran?

-In case you missed it, the farm house that the Hound finds with his rebel band is the same farmhouse he and Arya fucked over two seasons back.

-“There’s no divine justice, you old cunt. If there were, you’d be dead, and that little girl would be alive.” This is evidence of the increasingly smart screenplay that has, like the production value of the show, increased slowly over time. 

-I’m not sure the producers or writers of the show realize how hard it is to actually dig a grave in the middle of winter.

-A bad ass dragon castle on the edge of Westeros, completely abandoned and not claimed by any house after the banishment of the Targaryons? Seems highly unlikely and improbable. Then I realized this was Stannis Baratheon’s castle Dany is occupying. And then it seemed even more unlikely. Go to Europe in the year 1150. Find for me an empty castle, please. Especially one overlooking a port, within striking distance of a capitol. Ludicrous. 

-The music for this episode is epic, and is in the great tradition of Hans Zimmer’s soundtrack to Dark Phoenix. It is easily the best thing about this episode and probably this season. 

Season Seven: Episode Two:

-The opening tit for tat between Dany and Varys was great until Varys starts talking about what a man of the people he is. It was honestly like Trump who talks about how great he is ALL...THE...TIME... 

-I think the ten thousand hour rule is coming into play for Emilia Clarke. I have not ever been a fan of her or her acting for this entire series. It is only now in this episode where I see her professionalism come through. Perhaps it is due to the director and a specific style change, but I don’t think so. After seasons of being a queen, she’s finally acting like one.

-Dany is making a mistake by demanding Snow bend a knee.

-Will someone fucking do something about Cersei’s hair? And I hope Headey got a huge bonus for cutting it, much like doubling Sigourney Weaver’s salary for Alien3 and Portman’s sign on bonus for V for Vendetta. 

-What in the Cosmos’ name is Littlefinger up to? I don’t like it. 

-Snow’s revival only makes his death look more and more stupid in retrospect. 

-One of the strengths of the series is the constant pairing of older and younger actors. Snow and Davos, Arya and the Hound, and a dozen other examples, it is where the series draws a huge strength. 

-I don’t condone violence against women, but I don’t feel sorry about the Dorne girls. They were horrible cunts who killed little girls for fun. 

-It’s never too late to appreciate Mrs. James Bond, Emma Peel herself, in this show. She is a delight and a power to behold on screen. I love all ninety years of her. If you get a chance, see her and Charles Grodin in The Great Muppet Caper. 

Season Seven: Episode Three

-Dany’s opening monologue not only smacks of demagoguery but stinks of arrogance and ambition, everything she has stood against for the past six seasons. Therefore, this is dumb. 

-Why does it seem like John Snow is being obstinate when he could be polite? His retort has no logic. 

-Cersei’s justice to the daughter of the Queen of Dorne is just. It’s probably what I would do. It’s hard to find fault in it. 

-Nice seeing Mycroft Holmes here. 

-I am figuratively sick of Littlefinger’s voice. It’s like suddenly finding a foreign finger on your taint.

-Bran is now a teenager, six seasons later, and is completely creepy. It’s a good thing they didn’t have Instagram back then or he would be a total stalker.

-I would be very interested in watching a documentary on the castles used in this series. 

-Jaime’s march to Theresa Bond’s castle is impressive. It’s right out of Braveheart. 

Season Seven: Episode Four

-Jamie’s reluctant bad guy routine is disgusting. 

-The reunion of the Stark children at Winterfell was a solemn, somber tone as it needed to be. Well done.

-The ever expanding sets in this film are amazing. Dany’s castle is a well designed monster, and all the landscapes in this show are impressive. The matts and CGI go above and beyond. 

-The battle between the Dothracki and the Lannister Army is the third outrageously impressive battle sequence of the series.  The introduction of the dragon in rank and file combat was an extremely impressive tour de force of script, blocking, and cgi. Masterful storytelling. Behind it all are several themes that the series has been building to that are just as impressive. This represents the first combat fight between the East and the West, a thinly veiled reference to the three millenia struggle defining the difference in our modern world. On the face of it, the Dothraki are the mongols, improbably led by a white queen, which is by itself absurd and racist. No Khan would allow that. But the reality of the Mongol invasion in history is what it is: a genocide, pure and simple, of the existing power structure and existing society in one third of the settled world. The Mongols outgrew themselves and their ambition, but the western armies in Russia or the divided bickeries of Europe were no match for them. All that was needed was patience and time, both of which the Mongols ran out of. It was fitting and just to see the Westerosi so boldly and decisively defeated. A Roman army was no match for any eastern equivalent: meaning a Chinese one, and a medieval army would have had its ass handed to him by the Mongols. As the future of our modern world is becoming less and less white, shows that exhibit this and acknowledge the west’s waning dominance over the world are more and more important. So far, this may be the most important third act of any episode. 

-I was expecing Jamie Lannister to die, but since it is only he and Cersei left to be the bad guys, what the fuck are they going to do for the next five episodes if that happens? One or both of them need to stick around for the season finale. 

-The dragon hovering over the arrow and burning it to a crisp was completely badass, and rivaled a similar shot seen in the badly underrated Reign of Fire. 

Season Seven: Episode Five

-The music for this episode is reminiscent of the Dark Phoenix soundtrack, which I dearly love.

-It’s not that I don’t see the White Walkers as dangerous, it’s just that they are supernatural, and thus prone to be used in supernatural ways. I know they will be defeated, just as I know the dragons are being used as pocket providence. They will always win, and the White Walkers will always lose, because that is their purpose in this story. 

-How is it that Iain Glen looks better after six seasons?

Season Seven: Episode Six

-This is perhaps the most stupid episode to date. First, a girl like Arya, who has seen and done more than I am sure more girls her age, and who above all should have a better handle on how politics and fear work in this world, takes a note Sansa wrote seven seasons ago (so take this into account, if Sansa is now 20, this means she was thirteen when it was written) and makes a modern judgement out of it. I don’t believe Arya is that stupid, or that Sansa’s too stupid to reason with her, especially since the confrontation ended on what the element of fear does to people. 

-The second scene is the supposed Lord of the North, with Joran, the Baratheon Blacksmith, the Hound, the Smothers Brothers, and a partridge in a pear tree is taking Sergeant Pepper and the Lonely Hearts Club Band up to meet the Winter Dead Whatever to do what, exactly? At Cersei’s weakest moment to date, Jon is away from his command, and off going where, to do what? And what happens if he succeeds? And what happens if he fails? None of this was explained beforehand. All we have are several long tracking shots of the Fellowship in the Misty Mountains talking about...and I’m not kidding here, the colloquial difference between a dick and a cock, and how most men prefer pussy. I didn’t need seven seasons of GOT to teach me this.

-Third scene, intercut with the second one, is Dany being so fucking stupid, it’s hard to contemplate, it’s like she’s regressed in character from this person who’s conquered a quarter of Westeros to a sixteen year old child sold into sex slavery. 

-Fourth scene, Sansa is discussing the most fragile topic of the Stark Dynasty...with...Littlefinger. This is a woman who has so far no less than three times told him and other people how she does not trust him and now she’s going to confide in him the future of Winterfell? Now we’re not just talking about retrogressing characters, we’re talking about either a) bad screenwriting or b) lazy screenwriting. And the fact that people ooh and ahh over this shit means we have lazy viewers. And then… what does Sansa do… but take… Littlefinger’s… advice. 

-When Jon and the Band corner a group of White Walkers, a fight ensues which looks very desperate until Jon hits the leader with his sword, which I am guessing is coated with dragon glass, and after he is shattered, the entire troops falls dead except one, which they capture. Okay. So we're going Independence Day on this? Or the finale to The Phantom Menace? If so, and if this was the leader, why does a Horde show up out of the blue? And why is there one survivor? Is there a death limit on this video that only kills a certain amount of Dead Walkers when you kill their leader?

-In what has been for the last two seasons an impressive increase in CGI, there is a horribly bad sequence of the Dead Walkers walking into a ring of water surrounding the ice lake. Horribly, this deus ex machina ending becomes a rather stupid stalemate that resemebles a George Romero plot, which I have to say I’d rather watch. The Baratheon Run mimics the Marathon of Phidippides which actually was rather cool. 

-Flaming Swords are cool, regardless if the film sucks. Just watch the Hellboy reboot. 

-Why do Maesters exist? They seem like they are all old pederasts. 

-Sansa sending Brianne away is the dumbest idea she’s had since two scenes ago. 

-I was watching this episode with my wife, and literally said “Dany is going to show up at the last second with three dragons and save the day. And if she’s bringing three dragons, she is probably going to lose one of them to the walkers, and if that happens, they are probably going to use their magical orb to bring it back from the dead.” And it literally fucking happened right before my eyes. 

-And the biggest issue I have with the whole episode, is it’s too fucking bad no one told Dany, just cook that fucking shitface up on the cliff with his four buddies, you’d end the white war right goddamn now. 

-Don’t worry. Jon Snow’s not dead, he’s frozen. And as soon as we thaw out the King of the North, we’ll have what we’ve been waiting seven seasons for. It’s just a good thing he held his breath under the frozen ice until all ten thousand of the dead army was gone. And how long will a man last who is soaked to the bone in Edmonton-like weather? And what is Uncle Benjen doing here? Two deus ex machina in one show. How did he know where Jon was? What was he doing there? And why was the horse so special that he could not take two riders? Bullshit. I’ve seen Butch and Sundance.

-“The world does not just let girls decide what they want to be?” Is this not the most true statement in the history of the show? And does it not accurately reflect the true state and inherent problem with world society? I’m shocked that a line so remarkably accurate in every way is in this show.

-As they pulled the dragon out of its icy grave, my wife says “so glad the winter army had those enormous chains to bring the dragon up.” Which begs the question, which of them went down to the watery depths to put those chains on the dragon?

Season Seven: Episode Seven

-An impressive acting tour de force with many of the primary actors sharing the same screen for the first time in the series. What was more impressive was the truce and alliance happened at the halfway mark when it would have been more impressive to end the episode on it. 

-Why the fuck is Sansa still listening to Littlefinger? Every second she spends with him is a minute I deem this series too fucking stupid to watch. 

-Once again the production design of this show is amazing and award worthy. The Dragonstone Throne room alone is Ken Adam-like impressive. 

-Lord Baelish’s execution was a seven season satisfying release. I take back all the idiotic things I said about Sansa in the previous episode’s notes. It was one of the few plot lines I did not see playing out due to the stupidity of pretty much every other plot line. 

-Jamie Lannister walking away from Cersei alive was completely unexpected. I didn’t see it coming. Twice in one episode. Perhaps this series is getting away from me, or perhaps the screenwriters are departing from the stupidity of the novels. 

-Shouldn’t a dead ice dragon breath ice instead of fire? The breath effect the dragon had on the ice seemed based on sticking a lightsaber into a metal door. 

-Walking dead are only topped by walking dead horses. Then walking dead giants. Then flying dead dragons. 

-Just a question. What was the point of Cersei lying? It changes nothing. 

Season Eight: Episode One

-I understand that this season is the worst and the true fans hate it very much. So perhaps this is when the show will turn and I will start liking it. Or perhaps I’ll hate it worse. 

-The two most interesting arcs in this whole shitfest is 1) the Sellsword’s disgusting rise to power and 2) Theon’s rollercoaster of a life to find himself. 

-How the hell did Joran not know that the fat meister was a Tarly? I mean, I didn’t know but I wasn’t the one who save Joran’s life by cutting his dermis off. 

-Jaime going to Winterfell is most likely a bad idea. Bran’s discovery of Jaime in the courtyard of Winterfell was the greatest ‘oh shit’ cliffhanger of the series, since it calls back to the very first episode. 

Season Eight: Episode Two

-The entire ‘let’s give Jamie Lannister another chance’ scenario is disgusting as it is stupid. This is why Lady Justice is holding scales. Just because he has a few good things, and let’s face it, the most evil people in the world have one or two, it doesn’t mean we should let him anywhere near, well, anyone.

-The council of war has a silent and death tone to it that is very well constructed and paced. I am absolutely sure hundreds of these throughout history were conducted in this exact manner; utter fear. So far, it’s the most realistic scene in this entire show. 

-I don’t like Lady Brienne or the actress who plays her, but I found her knighting scene appropriate and endearing, completely proper in today’s world of gender equality. The first woman knight has yet to be made in England. And the joy it brought her may be the only good thing that happens for several episodes.

-The last half hour of this episode is literally six drunks sitting in a circle waiting for death and the cliffhanger moment. Very frustrating and I don’t really care for it. And who gives a shit if the squire can sing? Not me. 

-If Iain Glen dies in this fucking fight, I am going to be very, very pissed off. Everyone else, including Dany, can buy it. I literally (not figuratively, don’t care).

-What the fuck does a white walker need armor for? Fucking seriously.

Season Eight: Episode Three

The Siege of Winterfell is an amazing set piece that rivals the Siege of Helm’s Deep in terms of well shot brutality modeled after medieval butchery. There are a few things that stand out as idiotic of you don’t think of them too much. Calvary, for one, is a flanking device and except in rare circumstances such as the Battle of Agincourt, was never used for frontal assault. It was for sweeping your enemy after their front was already engaged. Second, why did the calvary just ride off and not keep the enemy closely engaged where the archers could help them? Stupid. Second, why did the trebuchets stop? Third, why were there no trebuchets in the keep? Fourth...I’m guessing Winterfell only has one wall...the one that faces the dead? Fifth, It looks like that the whole plan falls apart almost immediately. Shouldn’t Dany and Jon be roasting the dead until the Night King shows himself? The greatest two weapons they have are not even seen for 90% of the battle. Why have a MOAB if you do not intend to use it? Sixth, in the middle of the fight, Arya finds a silent library to hide in, completely against character, and she seems scared, more against character. She just slaughtered dozens of these things on the keep walls and now all of a sudden she’s afraid. Seventh, can’t she use a dead face and just disappear? Eighth, I call bullshit on the Night King not falling to his death. He’s not already dead, he’s a mythical and mystical creature. Therefore, he’s bound to the same laws ‘humans’ are bound to. And I also call bullshit to a frozen mystical creatures NOT burning to death. He’s made out of ice and fire has been their downfall. This is complete bullshit. I know that sounds like bitching about the speeder chase in the beginning of Attack of the Clones, but come on. If you’re not going to kill him in the fall, just find another way to get him on the ground. 

-The dead rising midway through the battle was an ingenious plot device that I didn't see coming and was really surprised by. Excellent storytelling, really. Especially as it turns the crypt, which was supposed to be a safe place, into a hellish place trap. Brilliant. 

-There is a camera move that follows Snow down a hallway that was brilliantly conceived and even more brilliantly executed. It was one of the highest moments of the episode and probably the series. Simply amazing. And right about this time is when the rest of the episode goes silent, with nary a word being spoken, and I find that really appealing. It could not have been nearly as good without some fantastic music, and the score really helped out. 

-Arya’s killing of the Night King was disappointing. I foresaw Bran rolling his eyes back, becoming the dying Theon, then throwing the dragonglass tipped spear into the Night King’s back. That was bad enough, but Bran had a smug look on his face the entire time because he knew how it was going to play out, and didn't even bother to warn anyone. Arya’s knife drop was a direct lift off of Rey’s move in the Throne Room fight from The Last Jedi. 

-The biggest catastrophe of this episode, which negates all the positives that led to if for almost an hour and a half, was the death of Ser Joran, Iain Glen, the only other character I was interested in for all eight seasons (the other being the sellsword), and no I really don’t feel compelled to follow the rest of the series. This man was a badass, an excellent acting job by an excellent actor. 

-But the most idiotic thing about this whole episode, as impressive as it was, was the totally I called it Independence Day / Phantom Menance ending. All you have to do is kill the lead vampire, you see, and then all the other vampires that vampire turned, will die too. This is the worst kind of storytelling that has taken over the popular consciousness in popular cinema the past thirty years. It is not imaginative in the least. 

-Probably next on the list of improbablity is how the fuck what is left of this ‘army’ is going to take on King’s Landing. 

Season Eight: Episode Four

What a painful, miserable episode. First, Joran is dead, and there is nothing that can interest me going forward. Full stop. Second, Arya Stark is apparently not interested in fucking anymore, and this makes me sad. Third, the awkward kissing between Jaime and Brianne was enough to make me stop watching the show. It was painful and dissuading-ly un-ascetic. It’s like the actors were forced to do it. This show is known for fantastic acting, but that made me want to vomit. That’s figurative, not literal. Fourth, I’m glad Jon Snow is being consistent in wanting to be an honest man and tell his ‘family’ he is not their ‘family’ but is rather the nephew of his fuck buddy the Queen. However, the entire storyline is meant to invoke more tension in an already packed plot in a race to the finish in five episodes. This means they will have to drop other storylines to keep on track. Fifth, after just finishing that sentence, I then learn that Yara has retaken the Iron Islands and yet, we saw nothing of the struggle. Judging by past episodes, this was at least a half episode and if you strung it out, one quarter of two episodes that they decided to skip in favor of the bullshit Jon is the true king storyline. We never saw any of this and It would have been more interesting to see Yara kick ass then Jamie take Brianne’s fifty year old virginity. As all the episodes are over by about twenty minutes, you could either take out this storyline completely and still have a full season, or switch it out with better storylines like Yara’s. Another indicator of the writer’s room having issues. Also, Kit Harrington’s hair always looks like shit, which I don’t understand as there are plenty of other people hanging about whose hair looks fine in the middle of the winter. So, my reasoning is, everyone’s hair should look consistent. Another thing I don’t understand. Why can’t dragons fly in a flanking maneuver? You know, what every army and navy has done for centuries? And another thing that I don’t understand. Dany’s declining decision making abilities seem to take a nosedive every time she loses a dragon. I get that, but when she tells Varys she is there to get rid of tyrants, both Varys and Tyrion fail to tell her she is becoming one herself, despite the very topic of conversation. I have never liked Dany, or her decisions, and I find it increasingly amazing that she keeps failing upward. I guess this show is a reflection of Hollywood. However, the argument against invading King’s Landing, meaning the killing of tens of thousands of innocent people, is a very odd argument for this show in general and the medieval age in particular. When the Crusaders took Jerusalem, they left no Quarter, and instituted a genocide in the country side of all Arabs that is till talked about today. Just 80 years ago, we carpet bombed an entire city in Germany just to get to the rail station. Fuck, our country, the second greatest on earth, nuked 300 thousand innocent people, just to see what it would do. As it happens, it’s a great way to get empires to fall. So using that as a way to dissuade someone is very odd. And...Varys and Tyrion having a treasonous conversation in the throne room of a castle sounds as idiotic as it looks. Try a locked bedroom. Jamie’s reasons for wanting to go to King’s Landing are consistent with his character and anything else would have induced an eyeroll. More surprising is Brianne’s reaction, which is inconsistent with her previous supposedly stalwart demeanor.  

-There are some bright spots. Peter Dinklage is, now that Iain Glen is gone, is by and large the most talented actor on the show. His handling of the briefing describing the assault on King’s Landing is a small moment that shows his brilliance. His rapport with his brother Jaime in several scenes is not just well directed but well acted.  Again, I also give huge props to the costume designer. Sansa Stark is becoming less tolerable, but her outfits are becoming more badass. I could do without the gold ring around her torso, but her battle dress is extremely impressive and looks like it was straight out of the Weta Workshop. Great craftsmanship. 

-The ending of the show, which showcases the execution of Missandre, shows exactly how stupid both Queens are. They both make horrible decisions, and they both rule with reckless abandon. Dany is becoming more like Cersei, neither is becoming capable of anything good. Killing Missandre was a horrible decision. Now the only person in the capital Dany cares about is dead. In fact, the only thing keeping Dany from torching the Red Keep, if not the entire fucking city to the ground, is knowing Missandre is alive, In killing Missandre, Cersei slits her own throat. The fact that she is incapable of seeing this might be consistent with her character, but it is also consistent with a show that does not seem to follow logical motivations from the get-go. Instead, it relies on heat of the moment decision based on emotion, and that’s not how most people behave, much less most nobles in the middle ages of which this is based. 

Season Eight: Episode Five

-Emilia Clarke is a stunningly beautiful woman, and her talent is obvious as you watch her through the seasons learn to become a better actor. The scene where Tyrion informs Dany that Varys has betrayed her is meant to show Dany in a state of distress. Thus, there appears to be no make-up, or at least make up that emphasizes her thin features as opposed to her round ones thus far. All this has done is emphasize the worst trait about what the producers wanted in this show: a brunette posing as a blonde. The difference is striking. If you look at her in Solo, the first film she did after GOT, she looks absolutely different than in this series. As a brunette, her facial features change and the tone of her acting changes with it. In the previously mentioned scene in this episode, she turns to the camera in close up and her brunette eyebrows pop out of the picture, becoming even more prominent than they have in the previous seasons. They have always bothered me, and they have always pushed her performances out of the world she is supposed to be in, which greatly hurts the show as she has probably the most important role across the arc of the series. It does not blend well, and whoever decided to cast her and not die her eyebrows was an idiot. Or perhaps, and I know what this means to GOT fans, perhaps she is miscast - as wonderful an actor as she is. Don’t try to defend the wig decision by saying the wore wigs in the Middle Ages. Aristocrats did not until the 1600’s. Aristocrats also did not dye their hair in between the ancient Egyptians and the Versailles Court.

-Tyrion sacrificing his life for the chance to make a deal with Cersei is the most stupid action he has taken during this entire series. It is right that he might die for it. If he does not, It will be disappointing and yet another point where the screenwriters will not follow through on a threat.

-I am so used to Cersei having a trick up her sleeve that I’m going into the Siege of King’s Landing thinking she has stuffed Greek Fire under the entire city and intends to blow it up like she did the huge Sept in the center of the city. I found it odd that since she destroyed the religious tool of the society she suffered no retaliation. Imagine for instance, if Justinian I had blown up the Hagia Sophia, or if George III decided to blow up St. Pauls? Huge blowback to be sure, but I digress. Back to Cersei, again, I expect her to have a plan. She always does. But as she starts raving about the navy she does not have or the army she does not have, it reads a lot like Hitler in the bunker when he’s surrounded by the Russians. He was in a constant state of denial and was literally issuing orders to Army units that did not exist until he had a mental breakdown in front of his generals and decided to shoot himself. Thus, despite all the stops, I think this might be it. It might be the end for Cersei - this episode, three episodes short of the end. And that’s kind of shocking. I thought for sure we’d push that until the end. At this point, her escaping is almost out of the question, so I’m thinking the last three or four episodes will be about another fucking war between Jon and Dany. As if we need this to go on any longer. And that brewing fight, seen miles away, is not something anyone who is a fan of this show wants to see. After eight seasons of incest and carnage, they want (as my wife says) happy-happy-joy-joy, not more of their favorite characters getting nixed, especially one of the two most popular characters on the show. Dany is the favorite, but as she is turning into Cersei by the episode, I’m thinking it’s she who gets axed. If not, and Snow dies...again...she’ll never keep power and lose the throne she just won. That means Robert Baratheon’s bastard becomes king and all this show...took place… for nothing… because that was Ned Stark’s fucking plan to begin with. I’ll be super pissed if that happens. I push play…

-If I fucking knew that Tyrion’s entire plan hinged on Cersei ringing the bells to signal the surrender of the city, I would have laughed out fucking loud. I suppose that’s why they held it to midway through the siege, so I could laugh then at the fucking absurdity of that moment. This just went from lazy screenwriting to horrible screenwriting. Then you find out very soon that Cersei actually has no say in the ringing of the bells...that it happens without her. And then you think, ‘well then why the fuck did they make a big deal about Cersei giving the command if she’s not even going to have the chance to NOT ring the bells? Very inconsistent.

-And back to lazy when Jamie just picks up a sword out of a basket walking through the streets of the city. Anything else would have been preferable. Picking it up off a dead man would have made sense since the city is full of dead men. Or just now showing it and him suddenly appearing with it. It would have been awkward, but not fucking stupid.

-Dany breaking her promise to not kill innocent civilians was the most short sighted decision she has made in her now I am sure to be-short realm. Now no one will trust her,including her hand. In fact, he might kill her in favor of Jon Snow. And then then Jon will use his trust in the dragon to slay it. And he will be known as the dragonslayer. Jamie and Euron killing each other was not satisfying because it was an asshole killing an asshole, and I didn’t care about either character. I just wish Robb Stark had killed him in Season One, then I would not have hated the series so much thinking ‘what the fuck is this guy doing around for so long? One fucking hand and no one can seem to kill him.’ Stupid.

-You would think I would be ecstatic to see King’s Landing and the Red Keep reduced to rubble after so many seasons. But the fact is it was just as boring as the rest of the series, as brilliantly produced as it was. While the episode was on, I sold books on Amazon and surfed. 

-Was I the only one who thought Ser Gregor looked like Darth Vader with his helmet off?

-I thought and sincerely assumed that Arya Stark was going to kill Cersei. But the way she cowers in fear as she sees the people suffering under the fire of the dragon, I now think she will get revenge by killing Dany. 

-Of course the Mountain was going to face off with the Hound. And of course the Hound was going to die in a fire. We’ve been on that path since the first episode. 

-If Arya dies in the siege, Jon will kill Dany himself. Same play out happens later.

-It is fitting and proper that Jamie died with Cersei. It is not proper that Arya or Jon or Sansa did not get their revenge. This was the writer’s equivalent of the coward’s way out. Cersei at last understanding the circumstance she was in at the last minute is how many famous people in history realize they have lost everything they have spent their lives building in just a few seconds. Saddam Hussein. Benito Mussolini. Endless Chinese Emperors. Every decision she made led to that point, and to watch her not understand that at the end was baffling. How could she not understand that she did this to herself? The fact that her character was that aloof means that she was not that well written to begin with. She was written only to be hated. 

-The circle is now complete. Jamie Lannister sacrificed his reputation and in the end his life to try to save King’s Landing, however horrible of a person he was. And in the end, Dany has done the one thing her father, the Mad King, threatened to do but never actually pulled off, the destruction of the city. So Dany is just as bad as Cersei, or Jamie, or her father. In the grand scheme of the entire series, it is just and right that characters be nuanced and have, as the Dude says, “lots of ins, lots of outs, lots of what have yous.” It definitely mimics real life and certainly mimics the Middle Ages.  It was a barbaric age with barbaric people who did many kind things. Salah-al-Din, the Sultan of the Arab world during the Crusades, was responsible for the butchery of tens of thousands of Arabs as well as Christians, and yet he was known as the most gracious leader the Arabs knew for centuries. He purchased the freedom of Christian families after the fall of Jerusalems so they would not be sold into slavery. To find a western equivalent, Charles II of England was known as one of England’s most reasonable monarchs. He also had dozens of affairs, dozens of bastard children, and had his father’s killers quartered… even if they were already dead. Elizabeth II, known as one of England’s greatest rulers, executed more people on religious grounds than her elder sister “Bloody Mary” ever did and that was what led to her nickname. So for the show to emphasize this aspect of our reality was one of the better things to do. It’s just that the evil deeds tended to tip the scale rather than balance it. Jamie could be forgiven for killing the Mad King due to the King’s plan to destroy the city. And it certainly is not the incest with his sister that makes him utterly disgusting. It’s the fact that he tried to kill a boy over the secret, and really anyone in his way of keeping that secret, which is what makes him irredeemable. As the series goes on you find that many, many people suspect this or know it to be true as a pretty much open secret, and that baffles me given he tried to kill Bran over it. Why bother? The idea that Brianne of Tarth would excuse such behavior and choose him as the man to lose her virginity to is as disgusting as it is illogical and unreasonable for a viewer to accept. Such scripting is why this show sucks. 

Season Eight: Episode Six

-Tyron’s broken heart uncovering his dead sibling would have been more assuaged had Dany stuck to her word before the battle. Now this just has embittered him. Once again, Dinklage shows he is the best actor of the lot. How can he continue as the Hand of the Queen? He must resign and return to Casterly Rock. or help Snow dethrone Dany. 

-The shot of Dany sprouting dragon’s wings was fantastic. There should have been more shots like that in the series. She has arrived cloaked in fascist leather, delivering a speech that sounds suspiciously like that of Hitler in Triumph of the Will. She acts like her brother. This whole episode is beautiful. 

-Dany telling Jon “I know the world will be good because I know what is good” sounds a lot like Goebbels knowing the world will be better without Jews or Trump knowing the world will be better without, well, anyone he wants. 

-I was so happy to see Dany die. I never liked her and thought it was the only logical thing that happened in the series. The throne’s destruction was poetic, and the dragon taking Dany’s body just. But the dragon not killing Snow didn’t make any sense. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want it to happen. 

-The joke about democracy was an awesome jab from Brits about Brits, and it was altogether fitting and proper, and absolutely funny. The idea of Westeros choosing an Emperor and having that Emperor choosing a replacement is a completely acceptable enterprise. Almost every time the Roman Emperors chose their successor they did better than leaving it to a hereditary heir. In doing this, they fight for a better chance of survival. 

-Jon’s banishment to the Night’s Watch is funny and ironic, and a little absurd. But as no one is happy with the arrangement, it is the best attempt at compromise. This makes a lot of sense until the Unsullied leave on ships. So who the fuck is going to enforce Snow’s exile to the North? This is just as absurd as Casablanca spending two hours talking about these treasured travel papers only to not have anyone check them at the end of the movie. And as far as this joke, ‘what is west of Westeros?’ I don’t think I understand the joke. If you google ‘map of Westeros’ in google it shows you two huge islands. Westeros is actually in the east and west of westeros is an island where the ENTIRE FUCKING FIRST SEVEN SEASONS TOOK PLACE. Therefore, this ‘joke’ and all reasoning to it makes no sense, made no sense, and continues to confuse the audience. 

-Brianne’s lamenting of her recent lay’s death by boldly describing his actions in a book is a sick manipulation of a sick man. Disgusting.

-The Return of the King type ending was not really needed, with the small council not really making any sense, and then ending abruptly. Why the hell did they carry Bran all the way up the tower only to sit for 30 seconds? Stupid. I suppose I should be happy there was no funeral procession for Dany, although it probably would have been badass. Think of Rene Russo’s funeral at the end of Thor: The Dark World.

-The ending shot is totally confusing. They just brokered this deal, which no one can enforce, in which Jon is supposed to stay at Castle Black for the rest of his life, and we last see him leading settlers off to the north. Since there are no White Walkers there, this seems to be fine if you want to only hunt and eat red meat for the rest of your life, but why is Jon leading this group? Isn’t he supposed to stay at Castle Black? 

Conclusion

I want to start this conclusion by confessing how badly I wanted to like this show. I am a trained historian, who appreciates medieval history in general and English history specifically. Though I focused on twentieth century German history, I have taken classes on medieval European history and read dozens of books about the subject. Just for my podcast on the Ridley Scott film Kingdom of Heaven, I read seven books about the Kingdom of Jerusalem and the Sultanate of Salah-al-Din. If ever there was a show that should have suited my tastes and interests, this would have come right after Deutschland ‘83 and Babylon Berlin. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

Let’s start with the positives of the show, of which there are legion. First and foremost, the production and costume design of this show is beyond impressive, and in many circumstances surpass the drop jaw equivalent standard established by Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings production from twenty years ago. As the show progressed, you can see how much more money HBO was continually dumping on the show per episode, and it is very easy to get caught into a money pit-like catastrophe of the highest order. Instead, what you see is an incredibly well produced set piece that showcases the wide and very specialized talent of storytelling. I’m not just talking about the cameramen and focus-pullers, who just by the gloss of the shots you can tell at the top of their game, but the huge army of grips, electricians, wardrobe staff, the thousands of people that must be majority from Northern Ireland, who served as carpenters, plasterers, lighting technicians, painters, masons, all the way down to janitors. In watching a documentary on the final season, we are introduced to hard workers who wake up every day to become location managers, ‘head of snow’ directors, hairdressers, and professional extras. It’s not enough to say that a rail needs to be laid down for a tracking shot to hold a five hundred pound camera that costs half a million dollars. The rail has to be leveled or the shot will shake or worse, move in a direction that is disorienting and not intended by the director. The sheer scope of this production is breathtaking. Every shot on this show must have had at least fifty people on set, with at least a thousand getting to that day to make it right for the lens. In the battle scenes, there must have been a hundred plus people on set, perhaps five hundred with extras, and every single one of them should be proud to have such an accomplishment on their resume. You can tell from the first season to the last season how they upped their game. For instance, there is a battle in the second season that Tyrion misses because he is knocked out, and that you can tell is strictly for convenience. It was cheaper to just not show it, and though they passed it off very well, it is fairly obvious that they just didn’t have the cash to do it. That’s a shame for a production of this size that means so much to it’s fans. The leatherwork on this show alone must have cost a fucking fortune, and to think that such detail went into every single aspect of the show boggles the god damned mind. The only criticism I have of this gargantuan effort was the sense of topography. 

The producers used the opening credit sequence as a tool to explain to the viewers where physical locations were in relation to each other in Westeros. This was extremely helpful, but I am not sure the full effect was pursued all the way. In the first season, there is a hint that it takes months to get from Winterfell to King’s Landing. In the last episode, Snow says it will take his troops ‘a fortnight’ which is roughly two weeks. This lazy screenwriting can be excused but why does it fucking matter when Snow’s army gets there. The battle will start when the battle starts. Little problems like this are emphasized by what I am sure are budget restrictions. The only thing we saw of Winterfell for seven seasons was a courtyard and the main hall. There was no geographical layout of any of the locations, leading to viewer confusion. By the Battle of Winterfell, the castle looked fucking enormous. It was greatly impressive, and I’d have to say it rivaled Helm’s Deep in scope of work, but confused me because I was never shown this large castle, only this tiny courtyard with nary a hint of any towers. I was relying on the opening credit sequence to show me what Winterfell look like on the outside, which we all take as representational and not very accurate. Likewise there was a similar problem with King’s Landing. While you got a sense that it was large and impressive in the first season, in the last two seasons the scale of the place finally came into view and by the last season I had a definite understanding of the geography. A bit too late, if you ask me, and a waste of time for the viewer. A ten second clip in season two with Tyrion going over a map of King’s Landing with Sellsword would have done the job. Instead, I am unfamiliar with a topography that I spend a third of my viewing time at. A lot of the space in between must be filled with imagination. Much like the shark in Jaws, you cannot make everything right all the time, or spend the money on 360 degree sets, etc. In my only complaint about the production, I was just asking for a little more attention to where these places are in relation to one another, and what they look like individually. I never had this issue with Lord of the Rings, and Jackson had forty nine less hours to show that world to me. As the show goes, that’s a pretty light sin, especially if it is the only one, in this grand adventure. Unfortunately, the largest issue with the show is not something that can be solved with a thirty second shot of a piece of paper in the first season, or inserting several shots over the seasons. I know this might sound petty but think about this - the crew spent seven months building the King’s Landing Set and not a second of screen time was spent on audience education. There were some highly impressive shots of King’s Landing in the last two seasons of the show, so I feel this is not too tall an order to ask. But, having stated that (again) that’s an easily rectifiable mistake. No, the series has deeper issues and that is it just doesn’t make any sense.

The initial premise of the show, that a traumatic coup from years past has come back to haunt those who participated in it, is not an original concept. I have found the story of the fall of the House of Targaryen an interesting turn of events much like the fall of several houses of England during the Middle Ages. The Wars of the Roses alone, in which York (Stark?) and Lancaster (Lannister?) fight it out is filled with such stories. I was so familiar with the story of the Mad King and how Jamie saved the city that as the seasons went on I was more familiar with that storyline than I was of any since. I cannot now recall where Arya went, why she went there, or what she did after she fled King’s Landing. This was emblematic of the entire series. People go places to do things that don’t make any sense. Why, exactly, as a bastard child of Ed Stark, was Jon Snow sent to Castle Black? Most bastard children of duchies or earldoms lived lives of complete comfort and even though there is a war going on for most of the series, there wasn’t one when Snow left Winterfell. There are strange decisions being made in between houses that don’t make any sense, at least on screen. Catelyn Stark sells her son’s future for a bridge, as if boats don’t exist, or legs to walk around entire duchies. She does this for an alliance for a house that is hostile and not known for alliances. This sounds petty until you realize she and her son get their throats cut by this same house. The House of Stark would have been stronger by fighting and subjegating the Twins. Can’t think Robb could do that? Then how did he ever plan on beating the Lannisters?  Catelyn wants her son to be King but won’t include him on how to become one. I have spent a dozen pages on how practically every move Cersei makes is guaranteed to backfire on her, excepting the decision to destroy an entire organized religion - though I am convinced if she had not been the victim of a coup via dragon she would have eventually fallen by those dejected believers. We excuse this by saying she is blinded by her love for her children but even when her children are taken from her she continues to make absolutely horrible decisions. She knows her child is in Dorne and allows a Dornish Prince to be murdered in her palace, and in her presence. Then she is shocked in sadness when her child is the subject of an assassination. She allows her eldest child, the King, to act and behave as he wants and then is shocked when he becomes the subject of assassination. She allows her youngest child to be cajoled by zealots and instead of encouraging a love affair that could serve the interest of the court and the dynasty, continue to alienate her second child king until he feels that only suicide is the answer. In every respect that makes sense as a regent and a parent, Cersei’s decisions defy logic. Loving your children is not enough. You have to be a good parent. The fact that Cersei is incapable of these attributes may be cause for a good plot, but believing a person would deliberately act against the self interest of themselves or their family without a drug addiction is a very hard sell, at least to me. Lena Headey is not to blame for these decisions, she is executing the vision of the writer, the screenwriters, and the directors. And it is they that continue this farce, season after season, and I never bought it. 

Is there something more controversial to say in the past ten years than “I was never a fan of Daenerys Targareon?” I was never sold. I found her introduction to be exploitive. I found her existence sad. I knew it was to create sympathy for what she was to become. As the series went on and it seem to become more and more certain that she was to fulfill her destiny (the audience wouldn’t stomach a Lannister at the end, it had to be Dany or a Stark) but at the same time that seemingly inevitable future was approaching, the show established a pattern, beginning with the first season, of denying that which the audience wanted. The audience wanted Ned Stark pardoned, so he had to die. That was not that shocking, being that it was a cliffhanger at the end of the first season, but the continuing pattern began to greatly distress the audience. The Red Wedding and Jon Snow’s murder being the two greatest examples. It became a bit of a joke to guess which major character was going to die midway through the season (The Lady of the Vale), and then in the finale which was guaranteed to be someone huge (Tywin Lannister). The Lannisters we didn’t much care about, so that was an ‘oh my God’ moment but not something jaw dropping like the murder of Robb Stark that really upset many people, or just pissed them right the fuck off with Jon Snow. This pattern was unbroken, right up until the end of the last episode when Snow killed Dany. We knew deaths were coming. We lost Varys in the first episode and Joran in the second. Millesandre had died in the third and the Hound and the Mountain went out together halfway through the sixth. So I don’t know why people were surprised at Dany getting the axe and being all pissed off about it. The likelihood of Snow dying a second time in turns of story pacing was highly unlikely. What all this killing off meant, in terms of those rooting for the show, was a decreasing pool of people that you liked. To the point where when the pool was down to one person and that one person was killed, then the audience reaction was so strong that person was resurrected. There was no satisfying everyone with any one outcome, so the show was consistent, I’ll give it that. But the compromise solution was not the right one, and, like the rest of the series and as I have explained in my commentary on the last episode, did not make any sense. Never did I doubt where Frodo and Sam were on their journey, why they were going, where they were going, or how they got there. There were many circumstances during this entire series that absolutely flabbergasted me, including Catelyn Stark freeing Jamie Lannister, no one in Tywin Lannister’s employ recognizing Arya Stark, Dany’s inability to compromise in the face of ever escalating circumstances, Theon’s betrayal of the Starks, or any number of fairweather decisions. The only consistent character seemed to be the Sellsword, who was the full embodiment of Ayn Rand’s Objectivist philosophy. He only did things for himself, and in pretty much every circumstance, not only did that work out for him, it worked out for the person who paid him. In that aspect, you could call this series reactionary. This is proved by Dany’s turn into a fascist at the end but when she is cut down that reactionary mode is rejected. Even her murder, the most controversial aspect of the show, is treated with disdain by the characters who loved her, blinded by their inconsolable rage to see anything resembling a better place to live. You would think people of pain would get the point, but typically, until the 20th Century, they never have. In that way, the show makes sense. In any other philosophical way, it is inconsistency after inconsistency, hard to follow, and hard to swallow. Despite the hundreds of millions of dollars spent on this show, and the billions that it has made for HBO, and the gratification of it’s audience, the narrative is a complex weave of nonsensical motives that no real person would make in the same circumstances. Because of this, the series fails as a storytelling device. The only thing I got out of it was the wonder at the personal contribution of tens of thousands of varied artists who sacrificed years with their families to make something this monumental. It is a monumental failure to be sure, but it is monumental nonetheless.